STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
Sweta: My grandmother lived for 80 years, but she never used glasses.
Kapil: Meri dadi bhi bottle se direct peti hai.
449 
Sumona: Tumne shaadi se pehle kyu nahi bataya,
Ke tumhari raani naam ki ek our wife bhi hai?
Bittoo: Bataya to tha tumhe raani ki tarah rakhunga.
617
Kapil: Doctor ne kaha ki dadi ke dono legs katne padenge.
Mika: Sun kar bada dukh hua.
Kapil: Mujhe bhi, kal hi unko nayi chappal dilayi thi.
230
Dadi: Gandhiji, Krishna aur Jesus me kya similarity hai?
Kapil: Are, teeno ka birthday holiday pe aata hai.
576
Arjun: Dekh teri biwi ko saanp
Kaat rha hai, Kuch to kar.
Kapil: Abey wo kaat nhi rha hai.
Uska zehar khatam ho gya hai,
To wo recharge karwane aaya hai.
296
Juhi: Is line ko english me translate kro.
Usne apna kaam kiya aur karta hi gya.
Kapil: He done his work and done dana dan done dana dan.
473
Sumona: Main driver ko naukri se nikal rahi hu,
Aaj main marte marte bachi hu.
Kapil: Please, use ek aur mauka de do na.
837
Sumona: Break up ke baad kya hota hai?
Kapil: Jaan janwar ho jata hai aur cutie kutti ho jati hai.
604
Kapil: Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya,
wah wah,
Phir.
phir.
Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya.
610
Kapil: Operation Main Agar Mujhe kuchh Ho Jaye To Doctor Se Shaadi Kar Lena.
Sumona: Kyun?
Kapil: Badla Lene Ka ek Yahi Tarika Hai.
541
Boy: Rat ka kya plan h?
Girl: Nothing, just night with kapil.
Boy: Kya?
Girl: Opps sry i mean comedy night with kapil.
862
Kapil: Kitne paise huye?
Auto driver: 50 Rs.
Kapil: Ye le 25 Rs.
Auto driver: Ye kya sirf 25 Rs baaki ke 25 kaun dega?
Kapil: Waah beta mujhse hoshiyaari.
Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai to sharing ka paisa kon dega, Tera baap?
568
Shamaa bani to parwaane bane,
Jaam bana to maikhaane bane,
Kuchh to khaas baat hai bittu sharma teri family mein,
Warna yun hi nahin shehar mein Pagalkhaane bane.
909
Dadi: Bittu tum baap ban gaye, hamare ghar ladka paisa hua hai.
Wah ji wah kya techonology hai.
Biwi meri hospital me hai aur bachha mere ghar paida hua hai.
240
Guthi: Lambi Umar Jeene Ke Liye Kya Trick Hai?
Kapil: Shadi Kar Lo Iske 2 Fayade Honge.
Lambi Zindagi Jeene Ki Ichha Hi Khatam Ho Jayegi
Aur Bachi Hui Umar Bhi Lambi Lagne Lage Gi.
456
Arz kiya hai.
Fruit kharab nahi hote makkhiya kharab karti hai,
Ladke kharab nahi hote ladkiya kharab karti hai.
359
Kapil: Tere baap ki jale par namak chidkne ki aadat gayi nahi na?
Wife: Kyu? Ab kya hua?
Kapil: Aaj phir se phuch raha tha Meri beti se shaadi karke khush toh ho na?
983
Kapil: Aarz kiya hai.
Daaru peene walo kabhi lassi bhi piya karo,
Priyanka Chopra: Wah Wah Wah Wah
Kapil: Free mein post padhne walo,
Kabhi like Comment bhi kiya karo.
455
Dadi: Teri aur bahu ki jodi toh Ram Sita ki jodi hai.
Kapil: Kahan Dadi,
Na toh yeh dharti mein samati hai, na hi ise Koi Rawan le jata hai.
264
Imran: Pehle mein apni wife ko B.A. karwaunga,
Phir M.A. phir P.H.D karwaunga,
Phir badhiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Kapil: Phir acchaa sa rishta dekh kar uski shaadi bhi karwa dena.
851
Baarish ke mausam me kya apka jee machalta hai,
Kya paani me bhigne ka bhi apka dil karta hai,
Isme aapki galti nahi hai,
Ish mausam me har Mendhak aise hi fudakta hai.
646
Dadi : Bittu, tumne apni purani naukri kyu chod di?
Bittu: Dadi, company ne apni office badal di, aur mujhe bataya nahi kaha par hai.
316
Palak : Arj kiya hai
Tum se nazar milate hi bhadak uthe mere dil mein
mohabbat ke shole,
Ole Ole Ole, Ole Ole Ole !
504
Kapil wife : Ghar mein namak khatam ho gaya hai,
Khaane mein kya banau ?
Kapil : Thoda toothpaste daal do, usme namak hai !
912
Sher Chala Karte Hai Khuddar Chala Karte Hain Sar Utha Ke Kaum Ke
Sunny Deol Jaise Sardar Chala Karte Hain!
532
KAPIL Everest Par Gaya Waha 1 Baba Pahle Se Baitha Tambaku Ragad Raha Tha..
KAPIL-Baba Ye Kya Hai
Baba-Masala
KAPIL- Oh O to Evrest Masala Aap Hi Banate ho.
277
Kapil Sharma: Aarz kiya hai.
Aaj kal ki ladkiya husn pe naaz karti hai,
Grammar toh aata nahi,
Aur English mein baat kati hai.
711
Kapil: Tere baap ki jale par namak chidkne ki aadat gayi nahi na?
Wife: Kyu? ab kya hua?
Kapil: Aaj phir se phuch raha tha Meri beti se shaadi karke khush toh ho na?
857
Kapil : Aarz kiya hai,
Daaru peene walo kabhi lassi bhi piya karo,
Priyanka Chopra: Wah Wah Wah Wah.
Kapil : Free mein post padhne walo kabhi like Comment bhi kiya karo.
702
Dadi: Teri aur bahu ki jodi toh 'Ram - Sita' ki jodi hai,
Kapil: Kahan Dadi ! Na toh yeh dharti mein samati hai, na hi ise,
Koi Rawan le jata hai.
479
Wife: Mujhe kahi mehngi jagah ghumne le chalo.
Kapil: Chalo tyaar ho jayo petro pump chalte hai.
580
Kapil to Sharukh kahan: Kaisi hai tumhari biwi?
Sharukh khan: Swarg ki apsara jaisi aur tumhari biwi?
Kapil: Meri toh abhi zinda hai.
224
Sumona To Kapil: I love you.
I cannot live without you.
Mar Jaungi.
Mit Jaungi.
Jehar Pee Luongi.
Tere Pyaar Mein Fanna Ho Jaungi.
Kapil: Dekh Le Jaise Tujhe Theek Lage.
628
Imran Khan: Pehle mein apni wife ko B.A. karwaunga,
Phir M.A. phir PHD karwaunga,
Phir badhiya si naukri dilwaunga.
Kapil: Phir acchaa sa rishta dekh kar uski shaadi bhi karwa dena.
891
Kapil: Tu itna bada ho gaya hai,
Aur abhi tak tujhe daadhi mooch nahi aaye?
Naukar: Main bilku apni Maa par gaya huun.
314
Sumona: Is Line Ko English Main Translate Karo,
Usne Apna Kaam Kia Or Karta Hi Gaya.
Kapil: He Done His Work And Done Dana Dan, Done Dana Dan.
756
Ajay: AUTOMATICALLY ka matlab kya hota hai bhai?
Kapil: Oye tujhe yeh bhi nahi pata.
Jab auto mein koi ganji ladki ja rahi ho to use kehte hai AUTO ME TAKLI.
818
Kapil wife: Ghar mein namak khatam ho gaya hai,
Khaane mein kya banau?
Kapil: Thoda toothpaste daal do, usme namak hai.
739
Kapil: Arz kia hai Fruit Kharaab Nahi Hote,
Makhhiya Kharaab Karti hai.
Or Ladke Kharaab Nahi Hote Ladkiyaan Kharaab Karti Hai.
398
Kapil To Sumona: Agar Sirf Salad khane se weight kam hota.
Toh kabhi banis Ko dekha Hai?
Woh Toh Sirf Ghaans Khati Hai.
902
Kapil Sharma is trying to translate a Hindi romantic phrase into English.
Hindi Main: Mein Kho Gaya Hun Tere Pyar Mein, Ab Tum Bhi Kho Jao.
English Main: Iam Lost In Your Love, Now You Get Lost.
624
Kapil: Kitne paise huye?
Auto driver: 50 Rs.
Kapil: Ye le 25 Rs.
Auto driver: Ye kya sirf 25 Rs. baaki ke 25 kaun dega?
Kapil: Waah beta mujhse hoshiyaari Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai to sharing ka paisa kon dega Tera baap?
222
Kapil To Sumopna:Jaan Main Tumhari Ankhon Main Saara Jahan Dekh Sakta Hoo.
Paas Main Ek Aadmi Without Helmet Khada Tha,
Usne Kaha Bhaisahab Mujhe Bas Itna Bata Do Ki Aage Chaurahe Par Helmet Ki checking Ho Rahi Hai Ya Nahi.
939
Kapil (to wife): Tere baap ki Jale par namak chhidakne ki aadat gayi nahin na?
Sumona: Kyun? Ab kya hua?
Kapil: Aaj Phir se puchh raha tha Meri beti se shaadi karke khush to ho na?
868
Bikhari Rote Hue: Bhagwan Ke,
Naam Pe Kuch De Do Baba.
Kapil Jaanbhooj Ke Usko Seediyon,
Se Use Upar Le Jata Hai.
Ghar Pahunch Ke Kapil Pyar Se Bola,
Kapil: Baba Maaf Karo Chutta (Change) Nahi,
Hai Kal Aana.
365
Ladkiyan agar group me ho to aap unhe (Jinhe Patana hai) hi dekhte rahe, aisa karne se wo bhi aap ke taraf attract ho jayegi.
479
Kapil As Indian Police,
Method How to catch a Tiger: Catch a cat and beat it until it
accepts it's a Tiger.
42
Kapil and a Girl on a Bus Stop,
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha Nice Lipstick.
Girl: Thanks.
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha Nice Top and Jeans.
Girl: Thanks.
Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace.
Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA.
Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai.
441
Mom asked Kapil why dont u study d whole year &,
Study Only during exams?
I replied,
Bcoz Lehro ka sukoon Sabhi ko pasand hai lekin,
Tufano me Kashti nikalne ka maza hi kuch aur hai.
57
Sir: Pani mai Rahene Wale 5 Jaanwar ke Naam Btao?
Kapil: Mendhak
Sir: 4 aur btao
Kapil: Uski Mummy, Uske papa, uski Bahen,
Aur Uski Item.
832