A woman shoots her husband. She then puts him underwater for 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. 5 minutes later, they both go and enjoy a nice dinner. How is this possible?
Answer: She is a photographer.
Which is correct to say, "The yolk of the egg is white" or "The yolk of the egg are white?"
Answer: Neither is correct. Egg yolks are yellow, not white.
Would it be ethical for a man to marry the sister of his widow?
Answer: It doesn't matter, it would be impossible. Since he has a widow, he must be dead himself.
Which is heavier, 100 pounds of rocks or 100 pounds of feathers?
Answer: They both weigh the same (100 pounds).
Eskimos are very good hunters, but they never hunt penguins. Why not?
Answer: Eskimos live in the North Pole, Penguins live in the South Pole.
A guy is condemned to death. He has to choose a room. Room #1: A fiery inferno. Room #2: 50 Assassins with loaded guns. Room #3: A room full of hungry lions that didn't eat in 3 months. Which room is the safest?
Answer: Room #3 because the lions would be dead if they didn't eat in 3 months.
A farmer has five haystacks in one field and four haystacks in another. How many haystacks would he have if he combined them all in one field?
Answer: One. If he combines all his haystacks, they all become one big stack.
Is it legal for a man living in North Carolina to be buried in South Carolina?
Answer: No, because he is alive.
If you were running a race and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?
Answer: You would be in 2nd place. You passed the person in 2nd place, not 1st.
In South Africa you cannot take a picture of a man with a wooden leg. Why not?
Answer: You can't take a picture with a wooden leg, you need to use a camera.
Billie was born on December 28th, yet her birthday always falls in the summer. How is this possible?
Answer: Billie lives in the Southern Hemisphere.
How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
Answer: It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.
John's father has five sons named Ten, Twenty, Thirty, Forty...Guess what would be the name of the fifth?
Answer: John, of course.
If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
Answer: No time at all. It is already built.
I asked the assistant in the hardware store, "How much will one cost?" "Twenty cents" she replied. "And how much will twelve cost?" I asked. "Forty cents." she replied. "OK, I'll take one hundred and twelve." How much did I pay?
Answer: Only 60 cents. I needed 3 numbers for my house number….112.
This is a trick question you will have to ask to somebody else, because it only works verbally (say it out loud): There are sixty cups on a table. If one falls down, how many are left on the table?
Answer: They will say the answer is 59, but it is really 5. Tell them you said "six tea cups", not "sixty cups".
How many birth days does the average person have?
Answer: Just one, all the rest are anniversaries of their date of birth.
An electric train is moving north at 100mph and a wind is blowing to the west at 10mph. Which way does the smoke blow?
Answer: There is no smoke with an electric train.
Ten copycats were sitting in a boat. One jumped out. How many were left?
Answer: None, they were "copycats" so they all jumped out!
A man wearing black clothes, black shoes and a black hat is walking down a street. The street lamps are all off. A black car, with its headlights off, comes speeding down the road, but screeches to a halt, just before hitting the man. How did the driver see the man?
Answer: It was daytime.
Why are 1968 pennies worth more than 1964 pennies?
Answer: Because 1968 pennies are four more than 1964 pennies
Two men play 7 games of checkers. Each wins an equal number of games and yet, there are no ties. How is this possible?
Answer: They didn't play against each other
If you had only one match, and entered a dark room containing an oil lamp, some newspaper, and some kindling wood, which would you light first?
Answer: The match.
A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
Answer: His horse was called Friday.
A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet. How come?
Answer: He was bald.
Name the most recent year in which New Year's came before Christmas.
Answer: This year. New Year's always comes before Christmas of the same year.
You have a cup placed on a table. You are pointing towards the North and the cup is facing towards the South. On which side is the cup's handle?
Answer: No matter in which way the cup is facing, it's handle will always be on the outside.
A man buys a new car and goes home to tell his girlfriend. He goes the wrong way up a one way street, bumps into seven people, goes on the pavement and takes a shortcut through a public park. He is seen by a policeman but is not arrested. Why?
Answer: He was walking.
You want to purchase 3-cent stamps. You're at the post office and waiting in line for your turn. How many 3-cent stamps you will get in a dozen?
Answer: 12
If there are three apples & you took away two, how many do you have?
Answer: Two...because YOU took two.
A little girl kicks a soccer ball. It goes 10 feet and comes back to her. How is this possible?
Answer: She kicks the ball straight up in the air.
There was a red bungalow. Everything in it was red - the walls, the carpets, the furniture. What color were the stairs?
Answer: There weren't any stairs. It was a bungalow!
Spell "Pots" out loud, 3 times in a row. What do you do at a green light?
Answer: Go. Most people will answer "Stop" ("Pots" spelled backwards).
What's the longest word in the English language?
Answer: sMILEs---Because there's a mile between the beginning and the end
A man left home running. He ran a ways and then turned left, ran the same distance and turned left again, ran the same distance and turned left again. When he got home there were two masked men. Who were they?
Answer: The catcher and the umpire.
If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where's the white house?
Answer: Washington DC
An old lady in the United States has a heart attack and dials 911. No one came and she died. How could this have happened?
Answer: She dialed but never actually called.
There's a 1 story house where everything inside and outside of it was PURPLE. So what color were the stairs?
Answer: There were no stairs because it was a one story house!