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Silly Questions

A clerk at a butcher shop stands five feet ten inches tall and wears size 13 sneakers. What does he weigh?

Answer: Meat.

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How far can you walk into the woods?

Answer: Half way. After that you are walking out of the woods.

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A monkey, a squirrel, and a bird are racing to the top of a coconut tree. Who will get the banana first, the monkey, the squirrel, or the bird?

Answer: None of them, because you can't get a banana from a coconut tree!

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How many books can you put in an empty backpack?

Answer: One! After that, it's not empty.

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What two words, when combined hold the most letters?

Answer: Post Office

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A man makes a claim that he can predict the exact score of every football game, before it begins. And he's always right. How's that possible?

Answer: He says the score before every football game begins is 0-0.

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If a plane crashes on the border of The United States and Mexico, where would the survivors be buried?

Answer: Nowhere, you don't bury survivors.

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How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet?

Answer: None, there is no dirt in a hole.

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Ten birds were sitting in a tree and a hunter shot one. How birds many were left in the tree?

Answer: None - After one bird got shot, they all flew away.

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Q. How can u double ur money?

A. Show it in front of a mirror

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Q. When do you find a lot of cities without single house?

A. In a map

 

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Q. When does Monday come before Sunday?

A. In a dictionary
 

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Q When will a horse have 6 legs?

A When someone rides on the horse

 

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Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces?

A: Because they are...

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What is the difference between men and puppies?

A: Puppies grow up.

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Two men play 7 games of checkers. Each wins an equal number of games and yet, there are no ties. How is this possible?

Answer: They didn't play against each other

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A man wearing black clothes, black shoes and a black hat is walking down a street. The street lamps are all off. A black car, with its headlights off, comes speeding down the road, but screeches to a halt, just before hitting the man. How did the driver see the man?

Answer: It was daytime.

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An airplane crashed into a field. Every single person in the aircraft died. But two people survived. How come?

Answer: They were married.

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What goes up and down, but still remains in the same place?

Answer: Stairs.

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An electrician and a plumber were waiting in line for admission to the "New England Home Show". One of them was the father of the other's son. How could this be possible?

Answer: They were husband and wife.

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Some months have thirty days while others have thirty-one days? Which month has twenty-eight days?

Answer: All months have 28 days in them.

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When does 10 + 3 = 1?

Answer: On the clock.

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Q: Why did the music teacher need a ladder?


A: To reach the high notes.

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Q: What is the difference between a mathematician and a philosopher?


A: The mathematician only needs paper, pencil, and a trash bin for his work - the philosopher can do without the trash bin.

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Q: What's the longest word in the dictionary?


A: Rubber-band -- because it streches.

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Q: How does a math professor propose to his fiancée?


A: With a polynomial ring!

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Q: What did the fish say when he hit the wall?


A: Dam!

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Q: What is a chalkboard's favorite drink?

A: hot chalk-olate!

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Q: Why is 6 afraid of 7?


A: Because 7 8 9

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Q: Why don't you do arithmetic in the jungle?


A: Because if you add 4+4 you get ate!

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Q: Why is a math book always unhappy?


A: Because it always has lots of problems.

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Q: What does a mathematician do about constipation?


A: He works it out with a pencil.

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Q: How did the geography student drown?


A: His grades were below C-level

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Q: Why couldn't the moebius strip enroll at the school?


A: They required an orientation.

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Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?


A: Because she couldn't control her pupils?

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the moebius strip?


A: To get to the same side.

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Q: What is a proof?


A: One-half percent of alcohol.

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Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise?


A: LMAYO

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Q: What happened to the plant in math class?


A: It grew square roots.

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Q: What's the difference between a dead prostitute and school?


A: School still sucks!

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Q: Why didn't the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?


A: Because it had more cents.

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Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the school dance?

A: He didn't have anybody to take. (any BODY)

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Q: What's a teacher's favorite nation?


A: Expla-nation.

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Q: What three candies can you find in every school?


A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.

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Q: What is Grammar?


A: The difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

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 Q: Why did the student take a ladder to school?


A: Because he/she was going to high school!

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Q: What's another name for Santa's elves?


A: Subordinate Clauses.

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 Q: What do you say when you are comforting a grammar nazi?


 A: There, Their, They're

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Q: Why do they never serve beer at a math party?


A: Because you can't drink and derive...

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Q: Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?


A: He wanted to see time fly.

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