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एक नए टीचर ने क्लास में पूछा : भारत के एक महान वैज्ञानिक का नाम बताओ ..?
स्टूडेंट : सर, आलिया भट्ट..
टीचर : छड़ी लेकर .. यही सीखे हो ?
दूसरा : ये तोतला है सर.. आर्यभट्ट बोल रहा है
484
जीवन में कम से कम एक सच्चा मित्र हमेशा अपने पास रखो
ताकि…..
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जिस दिन आपके यहाँ तुरई, करेला या लाैकी की सब्जी बने उस दिन उसके घर जाकर खाना खा सको…..।
623
लोग कुछ दिन सिगरेट शराब पीते हैं और आदत लग जाती है।
हमको देखो..
हम बचपन से पढ़ाई कर रहे हैं,लेकिन आज तक आदत नहीं लगी।
खुद पर कंट्रोल होना चाहिए।
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55
मकान मालिक संता से लाओ किराया निकालो
संता: कैसा कमरा है सारी रात चूहे डांस करते हैं?
मालिक: नहीं तो 600 रुपये में क्या सनी लियोन नाचेगी
50
अकेला आदमी परिवर्तन लाता है
और शादीशुदा सब्जी लाता है
345
आजकल की लडकियों के हैण्ड बैग देखकर समझ नहीं आता की कॉलेज जा रही हैं
या ऑफिस जा रही है या सब्जी खरीदने.
377
तेरा अक्स गढ़ गया है, आँखों में कुछ ऐसा;
सामने खुदा भी हो तो, दिखता है हू-ब-हू तुझ जैसा
796
पांच के नोट सी हो गयी है
जिंदगी चलती तो है पर फटे हाल में
343
स्कूल टाइम में की हुई सबसे फेमस शिकायत
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मेडम ये हिला रहा है लिखने नहीं देता ..
780
जिस हॉस्पिटल के हम डॉक्टर हैं,
हमारी पत्नी वहा की नर्स हैं
क्या अजीब ज़ुल्म सहना पड़ता हैं
अपनी ही बीवी को सिस्टर कहना पड़ता हें
37
Santa Bike Se Ja Raha Tha,
Ladki Ko Dekh Achanak Gir Gaya.
Ladki Oh My God Lagi To Nahi.
Santa: Nah Nah Eh Ta Yaara Da Utran Da Style Hai.
885
Boy: Khana bana leti ho.
Girl: Nahi.
Boy: Aur kuch bana leti ho?
Girl: Haan selfie lete time mu bana leti hu.
484
Breaking News.
NASA closed.
Rajnikant bought all the rockets for diwali.
48
Simran to Doctor :
Maine Galti se Meri Bhabhi ki
IPill Kha li,
Kya Kru?
Dr: Bindaas Ghoomo
Dosto ko Khush Karo,
72 Ghanto k Liye
Prepaid ho Gayi ho..
Jaa Simran Jaa..
Jee le Apni Zindagi.
810
Hume tumse Love hai.
Please refuse na karna.
Ye zero watt ka hope bulb hai.
Please ise fuse na karna.
38
Zindagi behaal hai,
Sur hai na taal hai,
Msg box bhi kangal hai,
kya aapki sms factory me hartal hai,
Yaar kuch to bhejo ye meri mobile ki zindagi ka sawaal hai.
56
Teray liye chand taray tor doon,
In hawaon ka rukh mor doon,
Itna kafi hai ya do char jhoot aur bol doon.
43
Did you know that 90% of what you say to someone is non verbal? Showing the proper flirting body language signals sends a signal to a girl that your a high status male that is in control and comfortable in social situations.
670
Kapil Sharma is trying to translate a Hindi romantic phrase into English.
Hindi Main: Mein Kho Gaya Hun Tere Pyar Mein, Ab Tum Bhi Kho Jao.
English Main: Iam Lost In Your Love, Now You Get Lost.
624
Rajnikanth Ek Murgi Ko Dhamkaate Hue,
Rajnikanth: Oye Murgi, Tujhe 2 Ande Dene Ke Liye Kaha Tha To Tune Ek Kyun Diya?
Tujhe Mujh Se Darr Nahi Lagta Kya?
Murgi Rote Hue: Sir Ji, Darr Ki Wajah Se Hi To Ek Nikaal Diya, Main To Murga Hun.
59
Why are you looking for a new opportunity now?
523
Rule of thumb.
388
Black back bat. (x3)
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Father to his son: How was the paper?
Son: Bas pehla sawal chut gaya.
Father: Acha,aur baki?
Son: 3rd mujhe ata nahi tha, 4th main karna bhul gya,
5th mujhe nazar nahi aya nd 6th paper ki pichli taraf tha meine dekha nahi.
Father gusse me bola: Aur 2nd ques?
Son: Bas sirf wahi galat hua hai.
42
Din main sota hai,
Raat ko jagta hai,
Din main leta rehta hai,
Raat ko khara rehta hai,
Its choukidar.
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Unki Pasand ko Jaanein
Khoobsurat Dikhne Mein Koi Kasar Na Chhodein
Koi Pyaara Sa Gift Present Karein
Unko Complement Dein
Unke friends se Friendship Badayein
477
Teacher: Why are you late?
Santa: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Santa: The one that says,
School Ahead, Go Slow.
49
Boy: Tum Gana Bohot,
Acha Gati Ho,
Girl: Thanx But I Am,
Just Bathroom Singer.
Boy: To Bulao Na Kabi,
Apne Live Concert Pay.
46
Tum hansti ho mujhe hasane k liye,
Tum roti ho mujhe rulane k liye,
Tum ek bar ruuthkar to dekho,
Mar bhi Jaunga tumhein manane k liye.
612
Teacher: How many months r there in a year.
Kid: 12.
Teacher: Wow how do u know.
kid: 12 Mahine Me,
12 tarike se tujko,
Pyar Jatau Ga Re.
DHINKA CHIKA DHINKA CHIKA.
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NEW GENRATION: CHAND KO BHI MIL GAI
CHANDNI TARO KA KYA HOGA.
MOHABBAT EK HI SE KARLI,
TO BAKI HAZARON KA KYA HOGA.
59
Rishton k bandhan ko vishwas nahi kahte,
Har aansoo ko jajbat nahi kahte.
Kismat se milte hai dost jindagi me,
Isliye dosti ko kabhi ittefak nahi kahte
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Boy: I love you.
SBI Girl: Abhi lunch time hai baad mein aao.
Boy comes after 1 hr,
Boy: I love you.
sbi GIRL: I have a boyfriend.
419
Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student: He is the one who helped.
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend.
635
Jis desh ke log pait me gas chhodkr
Ye nai mante ki gas unhone chhodi hai
Modi unse gas subsidy chhodne ko keh raha hai.
708
Kapil: If I die, will you remarry?
Sumona: Of course no, darling, I will stay with my sister.
And if I die, will you remarry?
Kapil: No, I will also stay with your sister.
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Everybody wants happiness nobody wants pain but you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.
692
Banta Santa se: Biwi se Jhagda Solve hua kya?
Santa: Wo to hona hi tha Ghutno pe Chal k,
Aayi thi Mere Paas.
Banta: Fir kya hua wo Kya Boli?
Santa:Boli Palang k,
Neeche se Nikal Aao Ab Nahi Maarungi.
44
5. An unexamined life is not worth living. –Socrates
6. Eighty percent of success is showing up. –Woody Allen
7. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. –Steve Jobs
8. Winning isn’t everything, but wanting to win is. –Vince Lombardi
777
1 bar 1 ladke ne rajnikant ki beti ko aankh mar di
rajnikant ne uski gardan,hath aur per marod diye
aaj us ladke ko duniya ‘Baba Ramdev, ke naam se janti hai…
353
P. Nehru was f**king Victoria.
On climax, Nehru droped semen on bed.
Victoria: Andar kyun nahi nikala?
Nehru: Gandhiji ne desi maal videsh bhejne ko mana kiya hai
293
Can you work under pressure?
Are you willing to relocate or travel?
What are your goals?
What motivates you to do good job?
What makes you angry?
Give me an example of your creativity.
414
Act as If What you Intend to Manifest in Life is Already a Reality
618
Rajnikant ka 1 rs balkani se gir gaya,
Rajanikant niche pahuncha to rupya nahi mila?
Kyu?
Kyu ki Rajanikant Rupaye se pahele niche pahunch gaya tha.
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