Teacher: Santa yeh batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa: Teen maidam.
Teacher: Teeno ke ek ek example batao.
Santa: Madam, Maine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha.
Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hoon aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.
Even 10 minutes ago is the past. If you live purely in this moment you will always be happy because there is nothing wrong in this split second.
Ladka: I LOVE U.
Ladki ne zor se thappad maara.
Aur boli Kya Kaha tumne?
Ladke ne bhi ghumakr zordaar chanta maara aur kaha.
Pagal jab suna hi nhi tha to maara kyu?
Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls just make you FEEL like you are in Heaven.
I M Not FLIRTING.
I M Just Being EXTRA NICE,
To Someone Who Is,
EXTRA ATTRACTIVE.
Suraj Ke Samne Raat Nahi Hoti,
Sitaron Se Dil Ki Baat Nahi Hoti,
Jin Doston Ko Hum Dilse Chahte Hai,
Na Jaane Kyun Unse Roz Mulakat Nahi Hoti.
Shaam ki khamoshi me kho na jana,
Kisi ki yaad me doob na jana,milegi zarur kal,
Manzil tumhe,apni manzil ko paakar is dost,
Ko bhul na jana.
Maths sir: What is a line?
A genius answered: A line is a dot, Going for a walk.
Do not pursue a girl like crazy. It will not just make you cheap, but it might also scare her. Many girls fall for men just because they do not fall for them.
Every 12 years, a religious gathering called the Kumbh Mela occurs in India. It is the world’s largest gathering of people.
If yesterday was a good day, don’t stop. Maybe your winning streak has just begun. Good morning.
We Shall Require a Substantially New Manner Of Thinking If Mankind is To Survive.
Anyone Who Doesn’t Take Truth Seriously In Small Matters Cannot Be Trusted In Large Ones Either.
Before God We Are All Equally Wise And Equally Foolish.
After an accident,
A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights,
& told u 2 go by side.
Santa: I also started d wipers,
& said No No No.
Teri lita k lu?
Ya bitha k lu?
Andhere main lu ya bulb jala k lu?
Ya tujhe karun khara ?
Ya teri jhuka k lu?
Ab tu hi bata k main teri
Photo,
Kaise lu?
During engineering viva.
Teacher: What is sensitivity?
Boy: Kuch thanda ya garam khane se daanto me tez jhanjhanahat ho to use sensitivity kehte hai.
After Accident: American: Its Fine Man.
British: I am So Sorry
Australia: No Worries Dude
Germany: Are You Okay.
India: Andha Hai kya Saale Dhakkan ki Tarha Chala Raha Hai
Sir: Kaun Sa Panchi Sabse Tez Udta h.
Boy: Haathi.
Sir: Nalayak,Tera Baap Kya Karta h.
Boy: Chota Rajan k Gang Me Shooter Hai.
Sir: Shaabaash Haathi Sahi Jawab Bhai.
Dosti ka farz adaa karega kaun,
Hum na hoyenge to dosti karega kaun,
Aye Khuda Mere dost ko rakhna salamat,
Varna mere jeene ki dua karega kaun.
BF: Hi Dear Mujhe Teri Bahot Bahot Yaad Aarhi He,
I Seriously Miss u
GF: Are Abhi To Baat Ki Humne.
BF: Are FirSe Tujhe Hi Lag Gaya Kya.
Ek Adami Nadi Main Duab Raha Tha
Itane Main Uske haath Main ek Machali aa Gai
Usane Machali Ko utha Kar Kinare par fek diya Aur Kaha
Jaa Tu Toh apni Jaan bachale
Ek sardar ne 10 , 12 nan kha liye subah batroom main kehta ki
Bhagwan ya to jan nikal de ya to nan nikal de.
He: I love you.
She : I HV bf.
He : Olx pe bech de,
Purana jayega , tabhi naya aayega.
Be the first one to say Sorry
when the other person seems to
be hurt bcoz of U & Be the 1st
one to forgive if a Person says
Sorry to U!
Breakup Ke Baad Ladke ne Ek Heart Touching Baat kahi
Tu Mujhe Chhod ke CHALI gayi Iska Mujhe Dukh nahi hai..
Lekin Wapis Aake Meri Dusri SETTING Bigaadi To Bahut Mar Khayegi Tu..!!
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
Zari Si baarish hui hi nahi ki
Akhbaar main bhingti hui ladkiyo ki photo aa jaati hai
.
.
Jaise hum ladke to waterproof paida hue hai .
pyaar se dost ho tum,
harpal mere saath ho tum,
dosti ki ek ahsaas ho tum,
shayad isiliye kuch khaas ho tum.
Teri dosti ki aadat si pad gayi hai mujhe,
Kuch der tere sath chalana baki hai.
Shamshan mein jalta chodkar mat jana,
Warna ruh kahegi k ruk ja,
Abhi tere yaar ka dil jalna baki hai.
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
Ek party me chuha daru pike tunn tha Use dekhkar billi boli
Billi : Aaj Party Na Hoti To Mai Tuje Kha Jati
Chuha : Chali Ja
Nahi To Log Kahenge Ke daru pike Aurat Pe Hath Utha Diya
Extra Kameena Bacha!
Son: Papa apki love marrige hai na?
Dad: Haan per tumhen kese pta?
Son: Apki shadi or meri date of birth me sirf 5 month ka fark hai
Waqt Ke Toofan Mein Bikharte Chale Gaye;
Tanhai Ki Gehrai Mein Utarte Chale Gaye;
Jannat Thi Har Subah Shaam Jin Dosto Ke Saath;
Ek-Ek Kar Ke Sab Bichhadte Chale Gaye;
Thanks to Whatsapp...
Saale Sab Phir Wapis Mil Gaye
don't let your nerves show too much; a few nerves are normal but extreme nerves will affect your performance. Use breathing techniques and try to remember that it's not a life and death situation - there are plenty of jobs out there!
don't be arrogant and assume you've got the job. Nothing turns off employers more than someone who is disrespectful and over-confident
don't discuss controversial topics such as religion, politics and gender relations
don't read from notes or your CV — you should be familiar enough with your own history to be able to talk about it unprompted
don't criticise former employers or colleagues. Interviewers may mark you down as a troublemaker and a gossip
don't argue with the interviewer, no matter what. Remember to keep things positive!
Girl: Doctor mere lips pe infection ho gaya hai.
Doctor: Last time KISS kab kiya tha?
Girl: Ek saal pehle.
Doctor: Infection nahi hua hai JUNG lag gayi hai..
Have a schedule and know what you have going on. Know where things are in your house, at work, in your car, etc.
Me : surprise
She : kya hai?
Me : aankh bandh karo aur muh kholo
She : aaaa
Me : *opens zip*
She : BHENCHOD
Me : arey baby bag ki zip hai, mithai laaya hu.
A Lady to Doctor:
My Husband has a habit of talking in sleep! wat shud i giv him to cure?
Dr: Give him an Opportunity to speak when he is awake.
पिंकी को इंग्लिश बोलने का बहुत शौक था
शादी की पहली रात उसे पता लगा कि उसके पति का सिर्फ एक ही पाँव है।
वापस माइके आकर अपनी माँ से बोली,
"माँ मेरे पति का सिर्फ एक फुट (Foot) है।
" जीतो हैरान होकर बोली,"बेटी तुझे और कितना बड़ा चाहिए?"?
निप्पल से टपक रहा पसीना;
निप्पल से टपक रहा पसीना;
भीगी हुई गांड और लथपथ सीना;
अब तुम्हीं बताओ 'ग़ालिब';
इतनी गर्मी में कोई कैसे ठोके हसीना??
Naye Saal Ki Nayi Umar Mein,
Bhagya Sabhi Ke Jaage,
Kabhi Na Laage Gum Ki Aandhi,
Tujhe Meri Umaria Laage.
Rajnikant Rocks!!!!
Rajnikant : Arey O Murgi! Mene Tuje 2 Ande Dene Ke Liye Kaha Tha..Tune 1 Anda Kyu Diya......Kya Tujhe Muj Se Darr Nahi Lagta?
.
Murgi : Darr Lagta He.....Iss Liye Ek Anda Diya.......varn a me tho "MURGA HOON"
Aap ke ek muskurahat se Khil tha hai mera maan baat ye aap bhi jaante hai aur hum bhi,
ke aap ka saath naho to hum is duniya mein rehne ke kwahish nahi rakte
Ragging ke waqt larko ne 1 larki se kaha,1 sawal ka jawab do:
Patna kahan par hai? Larki-Bihar mein Boys-yahin pat jao itni dur jaane ki kiya zarurat hai..!