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Liza's Joke

टीचर :” एक KISS बहुत ही खतरनाक होता है.”
स्टूडेंट: ” कैसे ?”
टीचर :” एक बार में चालीस हजार कीटाणु ट्रांसफर हो जाते हैं “.
स्टूडेंट : ” इसका कोई इलाज है आपकी नजर में ?”
टीचर :” इसका कोई इलाज नहीं है “.
स्टूडेंट : ” मेरे पास है इसका शर्तिया इलाज “.
टीचर :” क्या इलाज हो सकता है ?”
स्टूडेंट : ” KISS को वापस लौटा दो

Apr,28 2015
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My Boyfriend

Last night my boyfriend
and I got into a fight.
I told him to get what’s his and leave.
He picked me up and walked out the door.
I really love him

Apr,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
I need

Open with Love…
If I disturb U
I am Sorry!
But I need
To Say
I…
Love…
Disturbing you…

Apr,28 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Sleeping


Sleeping to forget some things..!! :(

Apr,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Bijli Nhi Thi

Young girl: Dadiji Aap ke zamane mein 10-10 bacche kyo hote the?
Old lady: Beti Hamare time bijli nahi thi.
Raat ko kaun aaya kaun gaya malum nahi padta tha.

Apr,27 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Be Indian

Apr,24 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
KAAM DHANDA

New Version of Old Dialogue:
Mere Paas Facebook Hai
Twitter Hai
Orkut Hai
Tumhare Pas Kya Hai?

Smart Boy Answer:
Mere Paas “KAAM DHANDA” hai!

Apr,24 2015
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What is Kiss?

What is Kiss? Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion, that will lead to further penetation,in fast acceleration that will build the next generation.

Apr,21 2015
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When I saw you

When I saw you, I was afraid to meet you... When I met you, I was afraid to kiss you... When I kissed you, I was afraid to love you... Now that I love you, I'm afraid to lose you."

Apr,21 2015
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Passionate, Burning kiss

SHARON: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?

TRACY: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Apr,21 2015
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Hard to leave

It’s hard to leave behind those people who were once important in your life, but sometimes it’s necessary.

Apr,21 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Right Handed Boys

Why do 90%
of the girls have a bigger left breast ?
because….
90% of the
boys are
right handed..

Apr,21 2015
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padhna nahi jaanat.

Rabri: Ka karat ho?
Laalu: Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!
Rabri: Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu: Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

 

Apr,21 2015
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Kyun maar rahe ho

Ek Aadmi: Kyun maar rahe ho is ko??
Sasur: Maine isko hospital se whatsapp kiya ki ‘Tum Baap Ban Gye Ho’
Saale ne usko bhi doston ko forward kar diya! :D

 

Apr,21 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
whole world

A boy at Marine Drive in romantic mood to his girlfriend: “I can see the whole world in your eyes.”

One Mumbaikar was passing-by. He asks, “Arey Ghatkopar pe traffic hai kya dekh na please.”

 

Apr,18 2015
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Height of shock

Q: What is the height of shock?
A: When you are having sex with a pregnant woman & suddenly a hand grabs your dick from inside!

 

Apr,18 2015
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Dil Ki Hasrat


Dil Ki Hasrat Zuban Pe Aane Lagi
Tune Dekha Aur Zindagi Muskurane Lagi
Yeh Ishq Ki Inteha Thi Ya Deewangi Meri
Har Soorat Mein Soorat Teri Nazar Aane Lagi.

Apr,16 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Good one

Jo sheeshe ke ghar me rehte hain, woh basement mein kapde badalte hain.

Apr,14 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Love

LOVE ? In FraNce: its a comedy! in GeRmaNy: its a tRagedy! In Italy: its woNdeR! In India: . . . Its a NATIONAL GAME !

Apr,13 2015
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Wheat crop

Wheat crop is ready for harvest;
Time to rejoice and feel nice;
Fruits to reap of blood and sweat;
And get joyous and celebrate life!

Apr,13 2015
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Aankh milakar baat

Hamesha Ladki ke aankho se aankhen milakar hi baat kare, isse Ladkiyan impress hoti hai.

Apr,13 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Never underestimate

Never underestimate the power of three things;

1. Wife angry for a reason;

2. Wife angry without reason

and

3. Wife about to get angry & looking for a reason.

Apr,10 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
Stages of a relationship

Stage 1: Talk, talk and talk

Stage 2: Please talk to me

Stage 3: Don’t you dare talk to me

Stage 4: We need to talk..

Apr,9 2015
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Banta’s plan

Santa : what are u doing, bro?
Banta : dinner, followed by scotch

Santa : bhai, black label?
Banta : nahi bhai, scotch brite se bartan dho raha hun

Apr,8 2015
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Wo bhi ek zamana tha


Pita: Beta, ek zamana tha, jab main 10/- lekar bazaar jata tha aur kirana, sabzi doodh sab le aata tha

Beta: Pitaji ab zamana badal gaya hai, Aajkal har dukaan par CCTV-Camera lage hote hain!

Apr,4 2015
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Malinga ki Maa

Malinga ki Maa ne ek din us se kaha..
Beta:Ja apne bal cut kar ke aaja,
Malinga ne kaha kun kia baat hai,
Maa:Beta bartan dhone ka Scruber khatm ho gaya hai...

Mar,26 2015
Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak Hansimazak
School Ahead

Teacher: Why are you late?
santa: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
santa: The one that says,
“School Ahead, Go Slow.”

Mar,23 2015
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सर क्या आप को मेरी आवाज आ रही है

ऑपरेटर- सर क्या आप को मेरी आवाज आ रही है?

दूसरी तरफ से अभी भी कोई आवाज नहीं आई।

ऑपरेटर- सर प्लीज, जवाब दीजिये, क्या आप मुझे सुन रहे हैं?

Mar,16 2015
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बीवी इतनी प्यारी लगती थी

संता- जब मेरी नई नई शादी हुई थी तो मुझे मेरी बीवी इतनी प्यारी लगती थी कि मन करता था खा जाऊं। बंता- और अब? संता- खा ही जाता तो अच्छा था। -

Mar,16 2015
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प्यार

जब भी आप उनसे मिले प्यार से उनके सिर को चूमें।

Mar,14 2015
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प्रेमी

आप अपनी गर्लफ्रैंड की बातों को ध्यान से सुनें। क्यों कि हर लड़की चाहती है कि उसका प्रेमी उसका ख्याल रखे। इससे उसे यह महसूस होगा कि आप उसके सच्चे साथी हैं जो सुख-दुःख में काम आते हैं।

Mar,14 2015
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Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare

Kapil: Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare, to woh kya hogi?

Sumona: Ki aap aur main 7 janam saath rahein.. :-) aur aap kya mangoge?

Kapil: Yeh mera satwa janam ho!!

Mar,13 2015
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Aye khuda barish karwa

Aye khuda barish karwa de.
Ek katora pani bharwa de.
Jo mujhe sms nhi karta,uska/uski mobile ko is
katora main duba de.
Na rahega phone
Na bajega tone.

Mar,13 2015
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Aadmi Ka Sasural

Ek aadmi sasural gaya,
Uski saas ne use 7 din tak
Subah-sham palak ka saag
khilaya.
8ve din pucha..Beta,kya khaoge?
Aadmi bola, khet dikha do,
Khud hi char aaunga.

Mar,12 2015
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Arz Kiya hai

arz kiya hai suniye...
Hm gye the unke ghar, kahna tha Dil se Dil mila lo..

Hm gaye the unke ghar, kahna tha Dil se Dil mila lo..
Aur
jub dekha unki mummy ko to bola..
Aunty bacche ko polio ki dwa pilwa lo...

Feb,21 2015
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Cook & Eat

A typical cook and eat restaurant is a wonderful experience for anyone. It helps you bond and laugh while you goof up, and awe when you cook up a perfect little dish!

Feb,4 2015
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Don't Take It

Tell her your name first before you ask for hers. If she doesn't seem to like you, don't push her, just calmly walk away with a stiff smile. This will give her a sense of security and warmth and she'll tend to smile at you the next day. You should also reflect her smile. Slowly, conversation may start, if it doesn't, forget her.

Feb,3 2015
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Pyaari Muskrahat

Kitna pyara muskura lete ho,
Kitni asani se apna bana lete ho,
Itni dosti kaise nibha lete ho,
Kisi se sikha hai ya sirf meri nakal utar lete ho!

Feb,3 2015
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Dil

Aankhon ki gehraayi ko samajh nahi paate,
Hoth hai magar kuch hum keh nahi paate,
Apni Dil ki baat kis tarah kahe tumse,
Tum wahi ho jinke bina hum reh nahi paate.

Jan,23 2015
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Badi Muddat Baad

Badi muddat baad
Aaj phone par uski awaz suni toh..
.
.
Dil ne dhadakte hue kaha..
.
.
Jaldi yaad kar kamine kaunsi wali hai..!!!

Jan,23 2015
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Andha kaanon


Ek BAR 1 judge ne
RAJNIKANT ko crime
karte hue dekh liya
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
toh kya?
tabse Kaanon andha ho gaya

Jan,20 2015
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Red Signal

DRIVING TEST:
POLICE: Wat do u do in red signal?
Boy: I usually text, check mails n browse facebook..!
MODERN GENERATION

Jan,19 2015
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Ishq Ka Chand

Woh karte hai baat ishq ki,
Par ishq ke dard ka unhe ehsas nahi,
Ishq woh chand hai jo dikhta hai sab ko,
Par usse pana sab ke bas ka kaam nahi

Jan,17 2015
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Girlfriend Ko Kiss

Samunder me pani, pani me fish.

wah! wah!

Samunder me pani, pani me fish.

wah! wah!

Aap ko salam aur aap ki Girlfriend ko kiss…

Ab bol wah wah

Jan,16 2015
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Blue Film

Santa : Aaj papa ne pitayi kar di
Banta : Kyun?
Santa : Meine to sirf itna pucha “KAMINE” film
dekhne chal rahe ho ya ghar pe hi “BLUE” film dekhoge

Jan,16 2015
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The Sun And Kites

The sun rises with new hope

Kites fly with vigour crops

Are ready to be harvested

All denoting hope,

Joy and abundance.

Jan,13 2015
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Khandani Aashiq

Larka ek Larki ka peecha kar raha tha.. . . . .
Girl:”Tumhe pata hai, peeche meri Maa aa rahi hai.. . . . . .
Larka:”Tu Tension Na Le Hum Khandani Aashiq hai.. . .
Teri maa ke peechey mera Baap aa raha hai..
Girl Shocked – Boy Rocked

Jan,13 2015
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Zindagi Me Kami

Sooni zindagi me halchal mehsoos hui,bejan dil me dhadkan mehsos
hui,jane
kyu aaj aisa laga,shayad tumhari kami mehsoos hui.

Jan,10 2015
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No Smoking

Ladkiyon Ke Samne Kabhi Bhi Smoking Na Kare Aur Na Hi Drinking. Ye Baat Hamesha Yaad Rakhe Ladkiyan Good Manners Wale Ladko Ko Hi Pasand Karti Hai.

Jan,9 2015
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Girlfriend Kaisi Hoti Hai?

Bhai ko Bhai se juda kr deti he - "GF" Maa ko Bete se juda kr deti he - "GF"
Pati aur Patni ke Beech Jhagda paida kr deti he- "GF"
Insan ko Duniya se juda kr deti he-
"GF"
Ghar me Jhagda karwa deti he -"GF
'GF" matlab - GALAT FEHMI
Jo is waqt aapko hui he.

Girl Friend to Bechari Masoom hoti he.

Jan,6 2015
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