STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
A woman says to her husband that she wants to have plastic surgery to enlarge
her breasts.
Her husband tells her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to
do it without surgery."
She asks, "How do I do it without surgery?"
Her husband answers, "Just rub toilet paper between them."
"How does that make them bigger?", she asks.
"I don't know, but it certainly worked for your ass."
1 
Doctor: Well, I have good news and bad news.
Patient: Go with the good news first.
Doctor: You have 24 hours to live.
Patient: What?! How about the bad news?
Doctor: I forgot to call you yesterday.
1
A woman went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out an outrageous
yell."
"My dear," the doctor said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the
problem is."
"The problem is," she complained, "he keeps waking me up!"
1
A doctor, a nurse, and the top executive of an HMO have all died and are in
line together at the Pearly Gates.
St. Peter speaks with them and asks what good each has done in their life.
Doctor: "I have devoted my life to the sick and needy and have had a part in
caring for, and healing thousands of poor people."
St. Peter: "That's great. Go ahead in to heaven. And what about you, dear?"
Nurse: "I've supported the good doctor and his patients my entire life as an
adult."
St. Peter: "Wonderful. Please proceed in with the doctor. And what about you?"
Health Maintenance Organizaton Director: "I was the president of a very large
HMO and was responsible for the healthcare of millions of people all over the
country."
St. Peter: "Oh, I see. Please go in.. but you can only stay two nights!"
1
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells
him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?"
Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first."
Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left."
Patient: "Oh no! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind
of good news could you probably tell me, after this??"
Doctor: "You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to
forget everything I told you."
1
Recording - "Hello, Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just
stay on the line until we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you
which number to press.
If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one
will answer.
1
The owner of a drugstore arrives at work to find a man leaning heavily against
a wall.
The owner goes inside and asks his clerk whats up.
"He wanted something for his cough, but I couldnt find the cough syrup," the
clerk explains. "So I gave him a laxative and told him to take it all at
once."
"Laxatives wont cure a cough, you idiot," the owner shouts angrily.
"Sure it will," the clerk says, pointing at the man leaning on the wall. "Look
at him. Hes afraid to cough."
1
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear
he was in a big hurry.
"No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff.
Just pull the tooth and get it over with."
"I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist
admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?"
Mr. Smith turned to his wife.."Show him, honey."
1
A British doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can
take a kidney out of one man, put it in another man, and have him looking
for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That's nothing . We can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another man,and have him looking for work in four weeks."
A Russian doctor says, "In my country, medicine is so advanced we take half
a heart out of one person, put it in another man,and have both of them
looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, says, "You guys are way behind us.
We just took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House,
and now half the country is looking for work.
1
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung
out.
She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I
looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my
skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out, and
I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says, "Well, I
can tell you one thing... there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
1
A physician claims these are actual comments from his patients made while he
was performing colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc, you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey
Pokey...."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
10. "Hey, Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "Could you write me a note for my wife, saying that my head is not, in
fact, up there?"
1
Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)
"Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled...
isn't she adorable?"
Friend: "But your kid didn't smile."
Father: "I was talking about the nurse."
1
"I'll tell you," he said, "I've learned that arthritis is the cruellest
disease."
"Crueller than cancer?" his friend asked.
"You bet," the first codger replied, "It makes every single one of your joints
stiff, except the right one."
1
In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born
boy baby and asks, "Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?"
The boy baby quickly chirps up, "I'm a boy baby!"
"How can you tell?" asks girl baby.
"Easy," says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up
his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. "See.....blue
booties"
1
A short history of medicine:
I have an earache.
2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root
1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
1
It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy
intersection.
Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed
her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to
administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the
part about calling a doctor,I'm already here."
1
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby.
All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says "not yet."
A little later they ask to see the baby again.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
1
A man hasn't been feling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete
checkup.
Afterward the doctor comes out with the results.
"I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and
you don't have much time left."
"Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?"
"Ten," the doctor says sadly.
"Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!"
"Nine..."
1
While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical
students.
As you can see, he says, the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia
are radically arched.
The doctor turns to one of the students and asks, What would you do in a case
like this?
Well, ponders the student, I suppose Id limp, too.
1
The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut and handed to the
pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.
Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
The skin was moist and dry.
Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when
she got a divorce.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out
of gas and crashed.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is
presently enrolled in day care three times a week.
Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
She is numb from her toes down.
Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot.
While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However he took a job as a
stockbroker instead.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.
Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no
distress.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
1
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon
had lured him into a series of passionate encounters in the dental clinic
after
hours.
But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other.
Your husband's bound to get suspicious."
"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been screwing for six months now and he doesn't suspect a
thing."
"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"
1
The young lady entered the doctor's office carrying an infant.
"Doctor," she explained, "the baby seems to be ailing. Instead of gaining
weight, he lost three ounces this week."
The medic examined the child and then started to squeeze the lady's breasts.
He then unbuttoned her blouse, removed the bra and began powerfully sucking on
one nipple.
"Young lady," he finally announced, "no wonder the baby is losing weight, you
haven't any milk!"
"Of course not!" she shrieked. "It's not my child, it's my sister's!"
1
A 70-year-old man goes to the doctor's for a physical.
The doctor runs some tests and says to the man, "Well, everything seems to be
in top condition physically, but what about mentally? How is your connection
with God?"
And the man says, "Oh me and God? We're tight. We have a real bond, he's good
to me. Every night when I have to get up to go to the bathroom, he turns on
the light for me, and then, when I leave, he turns it back off."
Well, upon hearing this the doctor was astonished.
He called the man's wife and said, "I'd like to speak to you about your
husband's connection with God. He claims that every night when he needs to use
the restroom, God turns on the light for him and turns it off for him again
when he leaves. Is this true?"
And she says, "That idiot, he's been peeing in the refrigerator!"
1
In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's
most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right
they are free to leave.
This year the two lucky gents were Patty and Mike.
They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were
told to wait as the doctor got their files.
The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for his questioning.
When Patty came into the office he was instructed to sit in the seat across
from the doctor.
"Patty you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why
you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you
will be free to go.
Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather
sly grin.
Patty nodded and the doctor began to question him.
The first question was this. "Patty if I was to poke out one of your eyes what
would happen?"
"I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought.
"What would happen if I poked out the other eye?"
"I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that he had just gotten his
freedom.
The doctor then sent him outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed
Mike's files.
When Patty got into the waiting room however, he told Mike what the questions
would be and what the correct answers were.
The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with
Patty. "Mike the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" <
"I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told.
This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the
other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking.
"Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?"
"I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had
passed.
But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me
hat would fall down over me eyes."
1
A man goes to see the Rabbi.
"Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me, what
should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see what I can
find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I
spoke to her on the phone for over three hours. You want my advice?"
The man anxiously says, "Yes."
"Take the poison," says the Rabbi.
1
Q: Why does a blonde nurse carry around a red pen?
A: To draw blood.
1
A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, "Brains
are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.
"For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000," replied the
doctor.
Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men
nodded because they thought they understood.
But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in
price between male brains and female brains?"
"Standard pricing practice," said the doctor.
"Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used."
1
The student - not necessarily a well-prepared student - sat in his life
science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.
The question directed:
"Give four advantages of breast milk."
What to write? He sighed, and began to scribble
whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:
1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.
Um. So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a four-part answer.
Again, what to write?
Once more he sighed. He frowned. He scowled. Then sighed again.
But suddenly, he brightened.
He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly scribbled his definitive answer:
4. Available in attractive containers.
1
Her husband had been slipping in and out for a coma for several months yet she
stayed by his bedside every single day.
When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he said, "You know what?
You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business fell, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you gave me support.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side."
She just smiled and held his hand.
He then continued, saying "When I think about it now, I think you bring me bad
luck."
1
One morning at a doctor's clinic a patient arrives
complaining of serious back pain.
The doctor examines him and asks him:
"Tell me what happened to your back...?"
The patient replies: "Sir, I work fora local night
club. This morning I go to my apartment early and
heard some noise in my bed room. On entering I
knew someone had been with mywife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out of the
balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked
down from the balcony I saw a man running out
and he was dressing himself. I was very angry,.. I
grabbed the fridge and threw it athim. It was very
heavy... That is how I strained my back....!!!"
Later that day, a second patient arrives as if he has been in a car wreck.
The doctor said: "My previous patient looked
bad,.... But you look terrible..... What the hell
happened to you....??"
He replied: "You know I have beenunemployed for
a while now...., today was the first day at my new
job..... I forgot to set my alarm andI was late,..... I
was running out of the building, getting dressed at
the same time......, and you won't believe it but I
was hit by a fridge...., I don't knowhow and
where from this fridge fall on me...!!!"
Before closing hours, the third patient comes
He looks like he was punished in hell
The doctor is shocked.
He asked: "What is the hell happened to you....??"
The patient replies:
"Well, It started like this: "I was in a fridge..
1
Luv STORY OF A DOCTOR-
I ws in 12th
She ws in 12th.
I got MBBS
She got B.COM.
I ws doing MBBS
She got M.COM
I ws doing MBBS
She got MBA.
I compltd MBBS
She got married
I ws preparng 4 M.D entrance. She's d mother of 2 children
I m doing my M.D.
Hr daughtr is in 1st std,
I completd M.D n interenship
Hr daughtr pasd 10th,
I hav joined job.
D gr8st irony-Today is my ENGAGEMENT & Hr daughtr is my WIFE.
Moral:Agle janam mohe commerce hi dijo:-O
1
ek docter apni kismat per rote hue kahta hai.
ki mujhe apni patni ko bhi sister kah kar bulana padta hai.
1
GOLU 2 Dr.-Aap Parchi Me Aisa Kya Likh Kar Dete Ho
Jo Sirf Medical Store Wale Ki Hi Samajh Me aata hai
Dr.-Maine Loot Liya Hai
Ab Tu Bhi Loot le...
1
Doctor ki shaadi
Kuch iss tarah se
Honi chahiye..,
Ke lage ki doctor ki
Shaadi hain...!!
..
Baarat ambulance
Mein jaaye...!!
..
Shaadi hospital
Mein ho...!!
..
Photo ki jagah
X- Ray liya jaaye.
Aur khaane mein
Vitamin - C ki goli
Di jaaye.
Mehmaano ko
Chai yaa cold drink
Ki jagah GLUCOSE &
ORS diya jaaye
Dulhe ke galle mein
Haar ki jagah
"Stethscop
Lagaaya jaaye.
Aur
Maza toh tab aaye
Jab Doctor
Shadi ke baad bole
"NEXT PLZ
1
Solid Beijjati:
.
.
Ek Doctor ne naya clinic khola.
.
.
Thodi daer bad ek Aadmi aaya.
.
Doctor ne apne aap ko busy show karne
k liye, telephone ka receiver uthaya aur
appointment denay k andaz me bolne
laga.
.
Fir phone rakne k baad...
.
Doctor Aadmi se: Haan bataiye kya
hua?
.
.
.
Aadmi: Bsnl se aaya hun, telephone
activate karne k liye
1
A cow was kept for viva :
Answers
Pre MBBS - it's a cow!!
Final MBBS - perhaps this is a cow!!!
MD - Four legged animal with horn & tail, may be cow or hypopigmented buffalo!
DM . Dnb - this may be a hypertrophied goat or an atrophied elephant with congenital anomalies. Suggested DNA studies for further evaluation.
1
In the.viva table
Sir : tell me why cerebellum is called as silent area?
Student (after long time thinking) : sir because it works silently without any noise............
Lolzzzz kathiyavadi rox
1
Doctor ki shaadi
Kuch iss tarah se
Honi chahiye,
.
Ke lage ki doctor ki
Shaadi hain.
.
Baarat ambulance
Mein jaaye...
.
Shaadi hospital
Mein ho...!!
.
Photo ki jagah X- Ray liya jaaye...
.
Aur khaane mein
Vitamin - C ki goli
Di jaaye...!!
.
Mehmaano ko
Chai yaa cold drink
Ki jagah GLUCOSE & ORS diya
jaaye...!!
.
Dulhe ke galle mein Haar ki jagah
"Stethscop"
Lagaaya jaaye...!!
.
Aur Maza toh tab aaye Jab Doctor
Shadi ke baad bole
.
"NEXT PLZ".!.
1
Science kehta hai ki paani boil karne
se kitanu mar jate hai..
.
.
par science ko ye nahi pata ki kitanu
ke marne ke baad unki
''Dead bodies''
to pani me hi reh jati hai..
.
.
Stupid Science..
Maa kasam bachpan se genius hu..
Lekin kabhi ghamand nahi
kiya
1
Question :-what is love and explain in details ?..............
marks 10
Answer:
MBA Student's Answer: Love is life.
... (marks : 1/2 from 10)
--------------- --------------- ------------
Engineering Student's Answer : Love is pain.
... ( marks : 1/2 from 10)
--------------- --------------- ------------
Medical Student's Answer :
- Definition:
A serious disorder of heart due to relationship between men & women that can cause death of one or both depending on the resistance associated.
- TYPES:
one sided & both sided
- AGE:
Usually occurs in teenagers but nowadays can be found in any age
- SYMPTOMS:
Tension
Daydreaming
Insomnia
Phone Addiction
- DIAGNOSIS BY:
Diary
Photos
Mobile
Whts app
- TREATMENT:
Anti-LOVE therapy by Father's Shoe or
Mother's Sandals...
Kabhi kabhi wife ka belan,ya zadoo b
(marks 10 from 10) Excellent !
1
doctor: Kaise Aana Hua?
Santa: Doc Sab, Tabiyat Theek Nahi Hai,
Liver Mein Pain Ho Raha Hai
Doc: Daroo Peete Ho??
Santa: Haan, Par Chhota Peg Hi bnana
1
1 bacha muskrate hue paida
hua........
.
.
.
Nurse:" Q hans rhe ho ??
.
.
.
Bache ne muthi kholi aur I-pill ki
goli dikhate hue bola:
.
.
.
" DON ko rokna mushkil hi nai
Namumkin Hai..
1
Mohhabat ke raste m har waqt dard milega;
.
.
.
Mohhabat ke raste m har waqt dard milega;
.
.
.
meri mano isi raste par medical store khol lo.......... mast chalega....
1
Arz hai-roz roz weight napkar kya karna hai,
ek din to sabne marna hai,
char din ki hai zindagi,
kha lo jee bhar ke,
agle janam to phir 3 kilo se hi start karna hai..
1
Munna: Ae Circuit yeh Dr. log opration se pehle
patient ko behosh kyun karte hai?
.
.
.
Circuit: Bhai! Bole toh patient opration sikh gaya
to Dr. Logo ki toh watt lag jayegi na.
1
Doctor : Tabiyat kaisi hai?
Mareej : Pahle se jyada kharab hai?
Doctor : Dawai kha li thi?
Mareej : Khali nahi thi bhari hui thi?
Doctor : I mean dawai le li thi?
Mareej : Ji aap hi se to li thi.
Doctor : Bewakoof dawai pee li thi?
Mareej : Nahi ji dawai neeli thi.
Doctor: Abe gadhe dawai ko pee liya tha?
Mareej : Nahi ji peeliya to mujhe tha.
Doctor : Ullu k patthe dawai ko khol k muh me rakh liya tha?
Mareej : Nahi aap hi ne to kaha tha ki fridge me rakhna.
Doctor : Abe kya mar khayega?
Mareej : Nahi dawai khaunga.
Doctor : Nikal sale tu pagal kar dega.
Mareej : Ja raha hu par fir kab aau?
Doctor : Kayamat k baad.
Mareej : Kayamat k kitne din bad?
Doctor behosh??
1
A Little boy asks to Sunny Leone :- "Aunty ji, you have a Bungalow, a Car, Bank balance, Nauker-Chaaker.., Aap karti Kya Hai..??
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Sunny Leone replies:-
"Bas Beta, Ek Chhota sa 'HOLE-SALE' ka Business hai..!
1
Old man has 8 hair on his head.
He went to Barber shop.
Barber in anger asked:
shall i cut or count ?
Old man smiled and said:
"Colour it!"
LIFE is to enjoy with whatever you have with you, keep smiling?
? If you feel STRESSED,
Give yourself A Break.
Enjoy Some..
Icecream./ Choclates /
Candy / Cake
Why?
B'Coz STRESSED ka Ulta Spelling DESSERTS hota hai..????????
Alphabetic advice for you:
A B C
Avoid Boring Company..
D E F
Don't Entertain Fools..
G H I
Go for High Ideas .
J K L M
Just Keep a friend like ME..
N O P
Never Overlook the Poor n suffering..
Q R S
Quit Reacting to Silly tales..
T U V
Tune Urself for ur Victory..
W X Y Z
We Xpect You to Zoom ahead in life
?beautiful lines pls store it.
Ek acha frnd ek medicine ki tarah Hota hai
Lekin ek acha group pura medical store ki tarah Hota hai...?????
1
Doctor ki Shadi is tarha honi chahiye
k Doctor hi ki shadi nazar aye,
Ubtan ki jaga
Polyfax
Aur
Maihndi ki jaga
Iodex istimal ki jaye,
Barat
Ambulance me aye
Or
Nikah Hospital me ho,
Tasveeron ki jaga X-Ray liya jaye
Or
Kya khoob ho agar khanay me
Vitamin C or B k tablets hon,
Mehmanon ko tea ya cold Drinks ki jaga
O.R.S diya jaye
Or
Dulhey k galay
me haar ki jaga Stethoscope
Latkaya jaye
Or
Maza to jab aye k
Doctor nikah k baad bole:
.
NEXT.:-D
1
Mareez -
Doctor Saab, Mujhe bat bat par gali dene aur foran hi bat bhool jany ki bimari hai.
.
.
.
Doctor -
Aapko ye bimari kab se hai?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mareez:
Konsi Bimari bhosdike?
1