Santa Kadi Chaawal Kha Raha Tha.
Khate Khate Ek MAKKHI khaane pe Baithne Lagi.
SANTA Use Udate Hue Bola: Chal Pagli, Ye Wo Nahi Hai Jo Tu Samajh Rahi Hai.
Train mein TT Sadhu se bola: Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu: Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT: Ticket hai?
Sadhu: Nahin.
TT: Chalo.
Sadhu: Kahan?
TT: Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha, Jail mein.
Santa jungle ke raste se ja raha tha.
Tab uski najar ped pe latke hue saanp pe padi.
Santa: Sirf Latakne se height nahi badhegi,
Mummy ko bolo complain pilaye.
Ustad Fursat Fatte Haal Khaan Ko Angreji Sikhne Ka Boot Sawar Hua To English Sikhne Ke Baad Unhone Ek Sher Likha,
The Janaza Of Aashiq Is Nikla From The Gali Of Mehbooba With Very Zor Shor,
The Mehbooba Jhaanki From The Door & Boli: Mar Gaya Haramkhor.
Sardar Roz Subha 50 ladkiya mera intezar karti hain
Man: Are wah Vo kaise?
Sardar: Main Girls collage ka busdriver Hu na.
Teacher Pappu Se Tang Aake Ek Din Usko Class Mein Khada Karva Ke Boli.
Teacher: Pappu Tum Bahut Badtameez Hote Ja Rahe Ho, Batao Kya Saja Dun Tumhein?
Pappu Piche Ki Taraf Dekh Kar Teacher Se Bola.
Pappu: Mam, Wo Ladki Jo 2nd Last Seat Pe Bethi Hai Na, Uske Sath Bathroom Mein Band Kar Do.
Pappu Ghar Ka Darwaza Ukhaad Ke Kandhe Pe Rakh Ke Ja Raha Tha.
Kisi Ne Puchha: Oye Kahan Ja Rahe Ho?
Pappu:Chabi kho gyi h Taala Khulwanay ja rha hun.
Feri Wala: Chaku Chhuriyan Tej Karwalo.
Santa Hanste Huye: Kyon Bhai,Akal Bhi Tej Karte Ho Kya?
Feri Wala: haan Kyon Nahi, Ho To Le Aao.
Santa: Plane pilot se headfone chin rha tha.
Pilot: Ye kya kar rhe ho.
Santa: Saale ticket k paise hm log de aur gane tu akela sunega.
Girl Sabzi Wale Se,
Girl: Apple Kaise Diye Bhaiya?
Sabzi Wala: 100 Rs Ke 10.
Girl: Itne Mehnge, Kuch To Kam Karlo.
Sabzi Wala: Chalo Aap 80rs Ke 8 Le Lena.
Girl: Ye Huyi Na Baat, Dedo Chalo.
Saali: Jija Ji, offer aur loaffer me kya unter hotaa hain?
Jeeja: Agr tum muje rat ke K liyee invite kro to offer, agr mai tume rat k liye Offer doon to loaffer.
2 boys with Sardar where going on a Motor cycle.
Policeman gives hand to stop.
Sardar shouted oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega.
Santa Chemist Ke Pass Gaya Aur Bola: Bhai Kuch Help Chahiye.
Chemist: Haan Bolo?
Aur Santa Ne Apni Davayi Ki Bottle Mein Se Ek Chamach Chemist Ko Pila Ke Pucha: Meetha Hai Kya?
Chemist: Nahi To, Kyu Kya Hai Ye.
Santa: Bas Yahi Puchna Tha, Doctor Ne Kaha Tha Ki Chemist Ke Paas Jakar Urine Test Karwa Kar Pata Karo Ki Urine Mein Sugar Hai Ke Nahi.
Meri Taraf Se Apko Ek Puppy,
Aapki Saheli Ko Bhi Ek Puppy,
Saheli Ki Saheli Ko Bhi Ek Puppy,
Ab Pucho Kyu?
Aaj Hi Mere Doggy Ne 10 Puppies Ko Janam Diya Hai.
Santa Ek Jyotish Ke Paas Kundli Dikhane Gaya.
Jyotish: Tera Naam Santa Singh Hai?
Santa: Ji Maharaj.
Jyotish: Tujhe Do Ladki & Ek Ladka Hai?
Santa: Ji Maharaj.
Jyotish: Tune Abhi 10 Kilo Chawal Kharide Hai?
Santa: Haan, Oye Aap To Antaryami Ho.
Jyotish: Bete Agli Baar Aana, To Kundli Lana Ration Card Nahi.
Ek Gadhe Ne Santa Ko Laat Mar Di, Aur Baag Gaya.
Santa Ko Bada Gussa Aya Vo Bhi Uske Piche Piche Baagne Laga.
Bhagte Bhagte Usko Raste Mein Ek Zebra Mila.
Santa Ne Usko Zor Se Ek Laat Mari Aur Bola.
Santa: Sale Night Dress Pahan Ke Mujhe Ullu Banata Hai, Bevkoof Samjha Tha Kya.
Budha: Beta meri dur ki najar kamjor ho gi,
Chasma lagana padega.
Appu: Babu oo ke chimke hai?
Budha: Suraj.
Appu: Or kitni dur dekhega babu.
एक बार एक लड़की ने अपने प्रेमी से कहा: जब हमारी सगाई होगी तो तुम मुझे एक रिंग दोगे ना.
लडका बोला: हां जरुर यह बताओ फोन पर रिंग दूं या मोबाइल पर.
Ek aurat bar: Bar ghar ke bahar aati phir andar jati,
Bar: Bar andar bahar aa rahi thi.
Padosi: Mataji ye kya kar rahe ho?
Aurat: Meri bahu T.V pe yoga karna sikh rahi hai, usmai bol rahe hai ki sas andar karo, sas.
bahar karo, Padosi Bihosh.
टीचर: भगवान कहाँ हैं?
संता: हमारे बाथरूम में.
टीचर: तुम्हें कैसे पता?
संता: मेरे पापा रोज सुबह बाथरूम का दरवाजा पीटते हुए कहते हैं, हे भगवान तुम अब तक अंदर हो.
Dj waale baabu mera gaana baja do,
Dj waale baabu mera gaana baja do,
Dj waale baabu mera gaana baja do,
Dj: Gaana to bata pagal aurat.
पत्नी: मैंने तुम्हें बिना देखे शादी की कैन यू बिलीव दैट?
पति: और मेरी हिम्मत तो देखो मैंने तुम्हें देखने के बाद भी तुमसे शादी की.
Pita Ji Ne Apne Bete Ko Gusse Se Dant Te Hue Kaha.
Baap: Nalayak Kabhi Tumne Apni Koi Book Khol Ke Bhi Dekhi Hai?
Beta: Haan Papa Roz Kholta Hoon Ek Book.
Baap Hairani Se: Konsi?
Beta: Facebook.
What is the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend,
That comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi.
Ladke Ne Chinki Ko Offer Marne Ke Liye Sher Maara.
Ladka: Chalte Chalte Yun Hi Rook Jaata Hoon Main, Baithe Baithe Yun Hi Kho Jaata Hoon Main, Kya Yahi Pyaar Hai?
Chinki: Nahi Yeh Kamzori Hai, Bornvita Piya Karo.
Nurse: Mubarak ho aap ke ghar ladka paida hua hai.
Pappu: Wahh G wahh kya Ultra technology hai, Biwi meri hospital hai,
Aur bacha mere ghar paida hua hai.
Ek aadmi ek khatarnaak Sherni khareed kar ghar le aaya.
Padosiyon ne poochha: Bhaai ye sherni kyon le aaye?
Aadmi ne udaas swar me bataaya: LAST MONTH meri WIFE gujar gai naa,
Toh ab uske bina ghar badaa soona soona lagta hai mujhe.
Santa Qabristan Me Charas Pi Raha Tha.
Police: Kya Kar Rahe Ho?
Santa: Abbu K Liye Dua,
Police: Ye To Bachche Ki Qabr Hai.
Santa: Abbu Bachpan Me Hi Mar Gaye The.
Santa Ne Socha Ki Sunday Free Hun Aaj Movie Hi Dekh Aau.
Par Jaisi Hi Theatre Mein Gaya Vaha Laga Film Ka Board Dekh Ke Vapis Aa Gaya.
Kyunki,
Us Film Ka Naam Thha Housefull.
Ek Baar Ek Ladka Plane Se Mumbai Ja Raha Tha.
Wo Baar-Baar Toilet Ja Raha Tha, Ye Dekh Usko Ek Air Hostess Ne Puchha.
Air Hostess: Aap 5 Minute Mein 4 Baar Toilet Ja Chuke, Kya Aap Ko Chain Nahi Hai?
Ladka Rote Hue: Chain To Hai Ji, Lekin Khul Nahi Rahi.
Ek Aadmi Raat Ko Duty Ke Bad Ghar Aaya.
Darwaja Knock Kiya To Ander Se Biwi Ki Awaj Aayi.
Biwi: Kon?
Aadmi: Guddu Ka Papa.
Biwi Chonkte Hue: Haye Main Mar Gayi, Fir Ander Kon Hai.
Rich Man: Aaj Mere Paas 14 Cars, 18 Bikes, 4 Bunglow, 3 Farmhouse Hai, Tumare Pass Kya Hai.
Poor Man: Mere Paas Beta Hai, Jiski Girl Friend Teri Beti Hai.
Asli Boyfriend wahi hai jo,
Valentines Day par apni kidney bech kar Gf ko iphone 6+ dilaye aur fir ye bhi puche.
Baby aur kuch chahiye ?
Abhi ek kidney baaki hai.
Shadi k Dosre Din Baiti apni maa Se: Aaj mairi Unse Larayi Hogayi.
Maa: Baita Shadi mai Jhagry tu Hotay Rehty hain, koi baat nahi.
Baiti: Wo tu Theek hai Par Ab Laash ka kia karain?
English Teacher: Batao Yeh Kon Sa Tense Hai?
Main Naach Raha Hon.
Tum Naach Rahy Ho,
Woh Naach Rahy Hain,
Hum Sub Naach Rahy Hain,
Student: Sir Yeh Mujra Continues Tense Hai.
Girl sitting on a park bench.
Funny Begger: Hi Darling.
She angrily: How dare u call me as darling?
Begger: Then what r u doing on my bed?
Two new words hv been proposed to be included in oxford dictionary.
1.Gumshuda: state of being physically lost.
2.Shadishuda: state of being physically, mentally and financially lost.
Goverment Bolti Hai: Paani Bachao.
Abhishek Bachchan (idea) Bolta Hai: Paper Bachao.
Ab Saala Koi Yeh Bataye No.2 Karne Ke Baad Kaise Dhone Ka?
पति: क्या बात है. आज घर बड़ा साफ है,
क्या वॉट्सएप बंद है तुम्हारा?
पत्नी: नहीं वह तो चार्जर नहीं मिल रहा था तो,
ढूंढ़ने के चक्कर में सफाई हो गई.
Santa: Main Tere Pyar Mein Lut Gaya,
Barbad Ho Gaya ,Badnaam Ho Gaya.
Pinky: Haram Khor To Main Kaun Sa,
Engineer Ya Doctor Ban Gayi.
Ladki Ne Apne Naye Naye Bane Boyfriend Se Puchha.
Girl: Jab Tum Log Girls Ko I Love You Kehte Ho, To Un Ka Haath Kyun Pakad Lete Ho.
Boy: Bass Apni Hifaazat Ke Liye, Kahi Ladki Thapar Na Maar De.
Santa Ne Chalenge Kiya Ki Wo Kutubminar Ko Sar Pe Rakh Kar Mumbai Le Jayega.
Saare News, Media And Channels Wale Waha Pahunch Gaye.
Aur Bole Ki Chal Rakh Ke Leke Ja.
Santa Masumiyat Se Bola: Bas Koi Utha Ke Sar Pe Rakh De, Fir Le Jaunga.
Ek Car Ki Nilaami Ho Rahi Thi.
1 Lakh, 2 Lakh, 3 Lakh.
Santa Shocked: Iss Khataare Mein Aisa Kya Hai? Jo Itne Rate Lagg Rahe Hai?
Seller: Iss Ke 10 Accident Hue Hai Har Baar Sirf Biwi Hi Marti Hai, Husband Bilkul Sahi Salamat Rahta Hai.
Santa Khush Hoke: 10 Lakhhhh.
Cycle Wale Ne Ek Aadmi Ko Takkar Maar Di Aur Bola.
Cycle Wala: Aap Bahut Lucky Ho.
Aadmi: Oye, Ek To Mujhe Cycle Maari Aur Upar Se Keh Raha Hai Main Lucky Hoon, Kaise?
Cycle Wala: Aaj Meri Chutti Hai Nahi To Main Truck Chalata Hoon.
Hospital mai 1 ladka paida hote hi nurse ko bola: Beer or whiskey, kya available hai?
Nurse: Yahaan pe daru nahi milta.
Ladka: O teri! Fir se Gujarat mein paida ho gaya.
Jo ankhe band karke prem kare wo hai,
PREMIKA.
Jo ankhe band hone tak prem kare wo hai,
MAA.
Jo ankhe dikha dikha kar prem kare wo hai,
PATNI.
Husband: Jo Aadmi Chori Karta Hai Wo Baad Me Zaroor Pachtata Hai.
Wife Said In Romantic Mood: Aur Tumne Shadi Se Pehle Jo Meri Nindein Churayi Thi Unke Bare Mein Kya Khyaal Hai?
Husband: Keh To Raha Hun, Jo Chori Karta Hai Wo Baad Mein Pachtata Zaroor Hai.
Do Aurton Ko Bees Saal Ki Saza Mili.
Bees Saal Ek Sath Jail Mein Guzaar Kar Jab Dono Rihaa Hui.
Toh Ek Ne Kaha: Chalo Abb Baqi Batein Ghar Ponch Kar Karte Hai.
Ek Pathan Angoor Bech Raha Tha, Magar Keh Raha Tha Aaloo Le Lo Aaloo.
Ek Admi Ne Kaha: Khan Saab Ye To Angoor Hai?
Pathan Gusse Se: Chup Ho Ja Bevkoof, Warna Makhiyaan Aa Jayengi.
GirlFriend: Jaanu Mein Apna Purse Gar Bhul Aayi Hoon Mujhe 1000 Rupaye Chahiye.
BoyFriend: Sach Mein Dost Hi Dost Ke Kaam Aata Hai, Lo 20 Rupaye, Riksha Kar Or Ghar Se Purse Le Aa.