A lady walking on road,
Chatting on whatsapp,
With her left b**b open.
Policeman: ye kya hai?
Lady: O shitt, munna to bus me hi reh gaya.
Biwi:- Jab se hum dono ka divorce hua h tab se tum roz mere ghar ke samne potty kyon kar jate ho.
Sardar:- Tumko ye btane ke tere bina main bhookha nahi maar raha hu.
Sardar: Tum kitne saal se jalebi bana rahe ho?
Halwai: 30 saal se.
Sardar: Badi sharm ki baat h tum se aaj tak jalebi sidhi nahi bani.
Sign on a railway station at Patna
Aana free, jaana free
pakde gaye to khana free.
Santa's Son was filling an application form.
Son: papa, mother tongue kya likhu?
Santa: Likh de, very long and uncontrollable.
Teacher- Chand par pehla kadam kisne rakha?
Pappu-NEIL ARMSTRONG.
Teacher- Aur doosra ?
Pappu- Doosra bhi usi ne rakha hoga Langdi khelne thodi gaya tha woh.
Santa aur Banta 8th mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le
Banta: Saale, Pagal Ho Gaya Hai
Agle janam Fir NURSERY se shuru karna padega
Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu
Awesome reply :
Husband : Are pagli Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.
For those girls who say that-
mere piche to bhot se ladke pade hai.
They always should remember that Low price always attract customers.
Girl:Meri Ek Ek saans pe 1-1 ladka marta hai.
Boy:To tum koi accha sa toothpaste use kyo nahi karti.
Sardar by mistake goes into ladies toilet,
all ladies suddenly stand up!
Sardar: izzat dil mai ho bus yahi kafi hota hai,
Betho Betho, Khaday mut ho
Ik bar Laloo ji cykil chala rahe the, ke achanak sykil Ik girl se takra gayi
Girl shouted: Sala ghanti nahi maar sakta tha!
Funny Laloo: Behanji, poori sykil to maar di, ab ghanti alag se maroon ?
1 Kabutar ne sardar kay uper bitth kar di.
Sardar: Oye teri maa ne tainu kacha pauna nahi sikhaya?
Kabutar: Saliya tu kacha pehan kay kerta hai?
Girl:"Meri 1-1 saans pe 1-1 ladka
marta hai..
Boy:"to tum koi accha sa toothpaste
use kyo nahi karti.
Salesgirl : Sir no smoking in the shop.
Man : But i purchasued cigarette from your shop.
Salesgirl : Sir we sell Condoms too, but it doesn’t mean u start F##$$g us
DHABE Pe PATI Ne 1 BANANA SHAKE
&
PATNI Ne 2 mosambi juice Piye.
Counter Pe Payment K Time
WAITER Ne AAWAZ Di:
BHAIYA Ka 1 KELA
Aur BHABHI Ke
2 Mosambi Kaat lena.
Girl's heart is like water,
Boy's heart is like mobile,
Water falls on mobile,Or
Mobile falls in water,
The damage is for mobile only.
Log kahte hai ki I Love You duniya ka most beautiful message hai
Lekin hum kahte hai ki Salary credited to your account iss message jaisa sukh aur kahi nai hai
Breakfast can be very PAINFUL when,
Wife orders: Ramu, Sahab ke ANDE ubaal dena.
Servant asks: Memsaab, Apka bhi doodh nikalun?
Wife says: Abhi nahin, Sahab ko jane Do..
Ek Raasta Hai, Dil Ki Baat Bataane Ka;
Ek Zariya Hai, Apni Yaad Dilaane Ka;
Ek Saathi Hai, Apne Saare Gum Bhulane Ka;
Aur Ek Tarika Hai, Bina Miley Rishta Nibhane Ka
Waqt Ke Toofan Mein Bikharte Chale Gaye;
Tanhai Ki Gehrai Mein Utarte Chale Gaye;
Jannat Thi Har Subah Shaam Jin Dosto Ke Saath;
Ek-Ek Kar Ke Sab Bichhadte Chale Gaye;
Thanks to Whatsapp...
Saale Sab Phir Wapis Mil Gaye
Sala samjh me nahi aa raha hai
Bazaar me mandi hai esliye loge ‘Whatsapp’ par hai!!!
Ya log pura din ‘Whatsapp’ par lage huye hain..
esliye bazaar me mandi hai ..!!
Ladki Wale Ladke se: Beta kya karte ho?
Ladka: Jee Administrative Department mein Hu.
Ladki Wale (Khush Hokar): Kaun si Company mein Beta.
Ladka: Whatsapp par 3-4 Groups ka Admin Hu.
Dedicated to All Admins
Bin Pagaar Full Adhikaar..
Santa ka interview:
Batao wo kaun si Aurat hain jisko 1OO% pata hota hain ki uska Husband kaha hain?
Santa ne apna khatarnak dimag lagaya aur bola
"Vidhwa Aurat"
"Teacher:-""Batao A Ke Baad Kya Aata Hai??
!
Santa Kafi Der Sochne Ke Baad BoLa..."" A Kya BoLti Tu "
A policeman to his son : Tumhara result aacha nahi aaya.
Aaj se tumhara khelna aur TV dekhna band.
Beta : Ye 50 rupay pakdo aur ess baat ko yaheen dabado.
Teacher:Us ne khudkushi kar li.
Usay khudkushi karni padi.
Dono me fark batao?
Student: Pahle wale ki love marriage thi aur dusre ki arrange marriage.
Father: Qutub minar kahan hai?
Son: Pata nahi.
Father: Kabhi ghar se bhi bahar nikla karo.
Son: Suresh uncle kaun hain?
Father: Pata nahi.
Son: Kabhi ghar pe bhi ruka karo.
Question: What is the math?
Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students.
Languages around India
Maharashtra : Marathi
Kolkata : Bengali
Delhi : MC BC
Bangalore : C , C++ , Java
Ladki ne aaj baat ki mujh se first time in real
wo scooty pe thi aur mein bike pe
usne mujhse kaha samne dekh ke chala na chutiye.
Man: Hum Ne Ek Aisi Cheez Banai Hai Jiske Jariye Deewar Ki Dusri Taraf Dekha Ja Sakta Hai.
Scientist: Wo kya cheez banai hai tum ne?
Man : HOLE
Teacher :- Who is Mahatma Gandhi?
Student:- He is the one who helped
Munna Bhai to impress his girlfriend.
A lady walking on road,
Chatting on whatsapp,
with her left bObO open
Policeman- ye kya hai?
Lady- O shitt, munna to bus me hi reh gaya.
Bhukamp Ki khabar sunte hi
Admin ghar se bahar bhag Gaya hai
Abhi tak koi pata nahi
Kisi ko dikhai de to Bata dena
Today is a mobile day so plz open ur mobile cover And remove
Battery And dip in soap water
Apply candhana And kumkum To sim
card And say govinda govinda
KBC me AMITABH ne mujhse 13 wa Sawaal
Pucha: INDIA Me Fokat Ke Message Padhne
Wale group Ka Naam Batao?
Kasam Se 5 Crore Thukra Diye.
Par Apne group ka Naam Nahi Liya.
Ek Aadmi: Kyun maar rahe ho is ko?
Sasur: Maine isko hospital se whatsapp
kiya ki Tum Baap Ban Gye Ho
Saale ne usko bhi doston ko forward kar diya
Doctor: Kaise Aana Hua?
Man: Doc Sab, Tabiyat Theek Nahi hai Liver mein Pain ho raha hai
Doc: Daroo Peete ho??
Man: Haan Par Chhota Peg hi Banana.
How To kill a girl ?
Give her a beautiful dress.
nice jewelery.
costly cosmetics.
Then lock her in a room without a mirror.
Tadap Tadap kar mar jayegi..
Teacher: Where is the CAPITAL of INDIA ?
Student: In Swiss Banks.
Boy: Janu you are Cute
Girl: Thanks jaan
Boy: Janu you are Princess
Girl: Awww jaan thankss Kya kar rahe ho??
Boy: Mazak.
Ladka Aur Ladki PED Ke Pichhe Baithe The.
OLDMAN: Beta Kya Yahi Humari SANSKRITI Hai.
BOY: Nahi Uncle Ye To ANJLI Hai.
Aap Kisi Aur PED Ke Pichhe Dekh Lo.
Girl to her Blind Boyfriend:
Kash tum dekh sakte main kitni khubsurat hu.
Boy: itni khubsurat hoti toh kya Aankh
wale Tujhe Mere liye chhod jate Kamini andha hu Pagal nahi.
One of the best joke
Teacher: Where is the
CAPITAL of INDIA?
Student: In Swiss Banks.
A lady gave a crumpled Note of Rs. 500 to a shopkeeper.
Shopkeeper said: Mam did you keep this Rs. 500 Note in your Bra?
Lady: Yes but how do u know?
Shopkeeper: Because Gandhiji’s mouth is open.
Man outside phone booth: Excuse me.
You are holding the phone since 20 mins have not spoken a word.
Man inside: I am talking to my wife.
Innocent lines by a True Lover
Girl: Why do u always follow me around?
Boy: Well
bcoz wen i was a kid my mom told me to follow my dreams.
Teacher To Johny
If your father earned $100,000
And Gave Half of it to your mother,
what would she have?
Little johny: A heart attack.
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"