STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
A girl msgs in whatsapp group:
Guys, if I install Windows-8 of 32 bit two times then will it become 64 bit???
Other Girl in group replied:
It will also become Windows-16.
All guys left group.
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Dil ne kaha dosto ko message kar,
Mobile uthaaya,
phir socha rahne de
DIL TO PAAGAL HAI
Phir socha DIL paagal hai to kya hua,
Dost kaun se normal hai ..!!
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QUALITYS OF A GOOD GROUP ADMIN.
1- Group ki ekta banaye rakhna.
2- Group ke active members ka hosla badhana.
3- Soye hue members ko jagana.
4- Members ke birthday pe unke ghar pe ice cream bhejna.
5- Weekends me khud ki taraf se party ka aayojan karna.
6- Agar kisi ka mobile kharab ho jaye to use jald se jald apni taraf se gift karna.
7- Saal me ek martaba apni tarafse foreign ki trip ka ayojan karna.
8- Group members ko 3g internet package gift karna.
Aisa hota he ek achcha group admin.
JAGO ADMIN JAGO
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50 Londe lekar to koi bhi group bana sakta hai..
Members ko khush karne ke liye
3-4 ladkiya bhi add kar do..
tabhi members active rahege..!!
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Tumhari yaad dil se jaane nahi denge,
Tumhare jesa dost khone bhi nahi denge,
Roj sharafat se SMS kiya karo warna,
Ek kaan ke niche denge aur rone bhi nahi denge.
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Old Generation: Neki kar, Dariya mein daal
New Generation: Kuch bhi kar, Facebook &, Watsapp pe daal.
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Daily:
1 Apple = No Doctor
1Tulsi Patta = No Cancer
1 Nimbu = No Fat
1 Glass Milk = No Bone Problms
3 Ltr Water = Skin Saaf
&
Daily Whatsapp = No stress, Mood fresh!!
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8 baate 8 baato ko khatm kar deti hai:
1 Sorry – Galti ko.
2 Dukh – Zindagi ko.
3 Gussa – Rishte ko.
4 Jhuth – Vishwas ko.
5 Saath – Gam ko.
6 Dhokha – Pyaar ko.
7 Facebook – Career ko
8 Whats app – Time ko.
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Whatsapp ek masti hai
Call se sasti hai
Neend ko udati hai
Khoon ko badati hai
Dimag ko pakati hai
Par kuch bhi ho
ek doosre ki yaad to dilati hai
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Whatsapp would be a disaster if
‘Last Seen At’
was changed to
‘Last Seen With’.
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TV Anchor interviewing a Farmer:
Q: Aap Bakre ko kya khilate ho?
Farmer : Kale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Safaid ko…
Farmer : Ghaas…
Anchor: Aur Kale ko?
Farmer : Use bhi Ghaas hi khilata hu…..
Anchor: Inhain baandhte kidher ho?
Farmer : Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Safaid ko…..
Farmer : Bahar ke kamre mein
Anchor: Aur Kale ko?
Farmer : Use bhi bahar ke kamre mein……
Anchor: Aur nehlate kaise ho?
Farmer : Kise Kale ko ya Safaid ko?
Anchor: Kale ko……
Farmer : Pani se
Anchor: Aur Safaid ko?
Farmer : Use bhi pani se.
Anchor Ghusse se:
Kamine, jab dono ke saath sub-kuchh ek jaisa karta hai tou mujhse baar baar kyu puchhta
hai, “Kala ya Safaid?”
Farmer : Kyu ke Safaid bakra mera hai…….
Anchor: Aur kala?:
Farmer : Woh bhi mera hi hai…….!
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Ladke Ne Apni Girl-Friend Ko Kaha: “Main Tumhara Mobile Dekh Sakta Hoon?”
Ladki: “Haan Kyun Nahi, Just A Minute”
Inbox Delete,
Sent Item Delete,
Call History Delete
Ladki: “Ye Lo Dekhlo Tumhe To Mujh Par Trust Hi Nahi Hai“
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Pati : Kaha gayi thi?
Patni: Blood donate karne..
Pati:
Mera khoon peeti thi, tab tak to theek tha..
Ab use bechne bhi lagi?!!
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Train me TT: Madam Bachcho Ki Umar Kya hai?
Madam:
2 SaaL,
2.5 SaaL
Aur 3 SaaL,
TT:
Madam Umar Chahe Kam Btao
Par “GAP” To Thik Se bolo..
Bachche hai ya pille..!!
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Principal – Beta, What you want to become when you grow old?
Student –
After Studying MBBS ,
I want to join the police force
and get good job in a software company
and work as a lawyer
and construct Big buildings
and conduct research
and become a successful actor…
Principle – Whats your name Beta ?
Student – Rajnikanth!
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Manmohan Singh sabjee lene gaye…
Sabji wale se puchha:
Bhindi ka bhaav kya hai?
Sabjiwala: Ab rulayega kya pagle?
Muft mein le jaa..
pehli baar aawaz suni hai teri!!
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iPhone6 costs more than the total money Harman Baweja
earned from his Bollywood career…!!
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iPhone’s Are Like The Golmaal Movie
Every New Version Has The Same Features…
But is Longer Than The Previous One..!!
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Dear Apple,
iPhone 6 Will Be Priced At 70k…
iPhone-9 Ke Saath Kya Nano Free Milegi …
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Santa: is Apple Chinese or American?
Banta: Apple is Chinese, as all iPhones look d same.
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With the launch of iPhone 6, OLX is more excited than Apple….
as people will sell old phones, car, house etc to buy iPhone.
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Gujjus will not be affected by iPhone 6 launch…
They will continue to flash their iPhone 4S and say
“iPhone Chhe”.
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iPhone users who’ve been saying
“I love my small iPhone, Android phones are too big for me” all these years…. Apple just orphaned you…!!
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Congratulations… iphone 6 launched..
The best feature of iPhone 6 is that if you hold it upside down it becomes iPhone 9
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When u fall down and your iPhone 6 is in your pocket and u hear a crack,
u’ll just be thinking
“Lord pls let that be my leg” :-D
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Jo yeh post share kare, usko Jaadoo ki jhappi
Aur jo na kare use Aasaram baapu ki Pappi
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Raghupati raghav raja raam,
Jail ke andar Aasaram!
Sadhu ban ke aise kaam,
Kaidi ban ke karo Aaram!
Dekh liye apna anjaam,
Hue budhaape mein Badnaam!
Jhoote pakhandi ke naam,
Dekh ka hai yeh Paigaam!
Khud ko kehte the bhagwan,
Pakde gaye na Jhandu Balm!
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Hey Employee,
Tum pichli late promotion ka paschatap mat karo
Tum Agli Promotion ki chinta bhi mat karo
Bus apni current posting se hi prassan raho
Tum Jab nahin the tab bhi ye office chal raha tha
Tum jab nahin hoge, tab bhi ye chalta rehega
Jo Desktop aaj tumhara hai, Kal kisi or ka tha; aur Parso kisi or ka hoga
Tum ise apna samajh kar magan ho rahe ho, Yahi tumhare samast dukho ka kaaran hai
Appraisal, incentive, promotion increment ye shabad apne man se nikal do
Phir tum is office ke ho
Aur ye office tumhara hai!!
LIKE if you agree
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What Indian cricketers think about “DO Vs DIE” ..
Ganguly: Do or die.
Sehwag: Do before you die.
Dravid: DO until they die.
Tendulkar: Do that will never die…
Laxman: Do when everyone else die.
Dhoni: Do everything before luck die.
Yuvraj: Do, die, reborn, do, die, reborn (repeat)….
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Philosophy of marriage :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as GOD..
Later,
somehow don’t know why..
alphabets get reversed..
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When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.
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Why does the bride & groom exchange garlands at the time of wedding…..
B’coz
they say to each other affectionately that : “DARLING NOW U R DEAD”…
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What is the diff between “GHAZAL” & “LECTURE” ?
Every word spoken by the girlfriend is “GHAZAL”
and
Every word spoken by wife is “LECTURE”
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A Question Asked In A Talent Test: If You Are Married To 1 Of The Twin Sisters, How would You Recognize Your WIFE?
The Best Answer : Why d Hell Should I recognize ?
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How to Create the Biggest Doubt in your Wife’s Mind for you ?
Just Suddenly send her SMS Saying..
“I Love you too” (GAME OVER!)
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What is SuperMan’s Favorite Song..???’
socho?
thoda dimag pe jor daalo yaar…
nahin pata?
main batata hun…
its
“Hawaa Mein Udta Jaye, Mera LaaL Duppata MalmaL Ka”
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Muslim Ladki: Bhai jaan zara hatiye..
Ladka:
Arey, confuse kaahe karti hain?
Yaa to Bhai bolo, ya phir jaan!!
Ladki:
Wo hamare mein pata nahin chalta..
Kab kaun sa bhai, Jaan ban jaaye!
isliye.. BHAI JAAN
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Teacher: What Is The Difference Between HIMAMI & TSUNAMI ?
Pappu : HIMAMI is Face Wash, TSUNAMI is Total Wash.!
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What is the Biggest Benefit of having a crush in
the same college where you study ?
Ans 100% Attendanzzz
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What is the height of confusion?
Two earth worms Playing HIDE AND SEEK in a Plate full of noodles.
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What will be the girl’s name born on 1st of APRIL ?
Guess Guess Guess Guess
Ans : “FOOLAN DEVI..
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Whats the diff between Pongal and idly?
think…think..think…
Ans : U ll get a holiday for pongal but not for idly.
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We pronounce 22 as Twenty Two,
33 as Thirty Three,
44 as Forty Four,
55 as Fifty Five,
Why not 11 as Onety One?
Doubt By last bench association.
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Why is Facebook such a hit ?
It works on the principle that
‘People are more interested in others life than their own.
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What is the Diff b/w Young Age & Old Age?
Simple : In Young Age Phone Is Full Of Darlings Numbers.
In Old Age : Its Full of Doctors Numbers.
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Why do we sometimes write ‘etc’ at the end in the exam?
bcoz it means…
E- End of
T- Thinking
C- Capacity.
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Ab se gharwalo konaya taana maarne ka mauka mil jayega..
ki
Uthh ja beta, duniya Mangal pahunch gayi hai.
aur tu abhi tak iss mobile se chipka pada hai!
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How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM ?
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM ?
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
25. Drive on
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Letter for our wives
My dear wife:
The FIFA World Cup is close by.
Let me give u a few rules that will preserve your beauty.
1. The remote control belongs to me for the whole month.
2. Tell all your friends not to gv birth or wed or die or wateva during the World Cup coz we won't go.
3.No talking during the game,
wait for half-time or end of the game.
4. Repeats & highlights are as good as the main match, so am gonna watch them..
5. We can watch STAR PLUS
provided actors and actresses are wearing soccer jerseys and they are in
brazil.
6. U dont just pass infront of the tv if am watching soccer, u better crawl on the floor.
7. Make sure you don't ask silly questions such as; is this Chelsea versus England?
8. No funny faces to my friends when they come for soccer.
9. There shall be no comments about Cristiano Ronaldo's looks. Professinalism shall remain an absolute part of the WC.
10. If you miss the line up please dont ask, 'who is that guy?'
11. Ronaldo the Brazilian and Ronaldo the Portuguese are not related, Tanzania and Kenya did not qualify.
Thank you,
GENTLEMAN'S ASSOCIATION.
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Marvadi & Chinese in a train.
A cockroach enters.
Chinese catches it & eats it!
Another cockroach enters.
Marvadi catches & asks d chinese:
Kharidega? :)
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