The Best Funny Jokes And Funny Images With Stories

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Aik aadmi aadh raat ko ro ro k Allah se Dua maangtay huye keh raha tha

Aiy Allah

Dekh main he hun jo teri ibadat kr raha houn , baqi sab so rahay hain

Main he hun jo tujh se Dua maang raha hun, baqi sab so rahay hain

Main he hun jo aadhi raat ko jaaga hua hun, baqi sab so rahay hain

Sath wali charpaai se awaz aai

Kuttay k bachay

Dua mang, humari shikayatein kyun laga raha hai

I booked AKASH tab in 2010. I received a call last month feb2014 for booking confirm. I told them I got a job and bought Samsung tab.

FUNNY GHAZAL :

Ek Ajeeb Si Halat Hai Tere Jane Ke Baad ,

Bhuk Hi Nahi Lagti Khana Khane Ke Baad

Mere Paas 8 Samose The, Jo Mene Kha Liye

1 Tere Aane Se Pehle 7 Tere Jane Ke Baad

Neend Hi Nahi Aati Mujhe Sone Ke Baad

Nazar Kuch Nahi Aata Aankhen Band hone Ke Baad

Doctor Se Jo Pucha Iska Elaaj, Dekar 4 Tablets, Bola.

Kha Lena 2 Jagne Se Pehle, 2 sone ke baad...

If U want 2 be happy 4 a day, get a date. Happy 4 a week, get a lover. Happy till the end, keep me.

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Earlier girls used their pallu or dupatta to hide
their face in an unwanted situation.

Well
now

they have Samsung Galaxy Grand2

Modern mehmangiri...

When guests visit your home, you should be a good host and ask "Kya lenge? Chai? Cold Drink? Ya..

Wi-Fi Password?

Rajinikanth was playing Hide and seek

The result Malaysian Airlines plane disappeard and 10 countries cannot find it

Timeline:

Girl1: Cancelling My All Upcoming Trips,

Scared To Fly Now # MH370 ��

Girl2: Awww Me

Too didi.☺️☺️

Chat:

Girl2: Market Chale didi?

Girl1: Paidal Chalte Hai, Rikshe Ke Paise Nahi

Hai Be...!!!

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If there was a thing such as

"National Question of the Nation" ..

"Party Kab Dega Bhai" would have won handsomely in India !

Tumhara Narm O Nazuk Hath Ho Gr Mere Haathon Me

To Me Ye Samjhu Ga Ke Jaisay Do Jahaan Ho Meri Muthi Me

A lady in a bank give check to cashier..

He says madam marvaogi kya..?

Madam ko gussa aya or boli kya bak raha h. or

madam manager k pass jakr boli - apka cashier mere

ko bola madam marvogi..

Manager ne cashier ko bulaya or use datne laga..

Cashier ne manager ko check dikhaya us par words

may Fifty Thousand or Figure me 500000/- likha tha.

Manager bola madam aap to marvaogi bhi or andar

bhi karvaogi..

In hospital ICU patients died in d same bed every Sunday between 10 to 11 am

Doctors thought it is something super natural

Worldwide Expert team was formed to investigate d cause

Next sunday, at 10 AM, all doctors & nurses stood around that bed & waiting to see what it was...???

Then suddenly Gangubai (Part time Sunday sweeper) entered d ICU, unplugged the Life Support system of that bed & plugged her Mobile Charger

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New survey report-

Divorce rate of India

is now almost half .

Reason-

husband & wife

busy on what's app

forget fighting on small issues

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

��Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

��Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

��sales Manager is a person who convinces anyone that he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

��Transformation Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

��Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

��Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

��Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

��HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months.

��Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby….!!!!!

Rape started only after eves were born

Befote that

all adams were homosexual

''We can shoot your wife and also frame your mother in law" -

Innovative tagline outside a photo studio.

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One day Rahul Gandhi was sitting alone and watching a Sunny Leone 'MOVIE'. ��

He got inspired and then he perspired and came up with the tag line:

"Har haath shakti, har haath pragati."

Honey Singh\'s version:

4 bottle vodka, kaam mera roz ka,

Na mujhko koi roke, na kisine roka..��

Listener\'s version:

Agar tu samne hota

4 bottle vodka, tere sarpe fodta,

Na mujhko koi rokta, na mujhko koi tokta..

True Insult:-

Your Mamma's Pussy

was the Canvas.

You Dad's Dick

was the PaintBrush

You Are the ART !!

April 1 is named FOOL'S DAY, after Steve April. He was born on 1st April 1579. He did 105 businesses in his lifetime. He lost all his father's assets, and so everyone started calling him father of the fools.

At 19, he married a 61-year-old woman who divorced him after a year because of his foolishness. He used to read all kinds of fake stories like you are doing now.

It's great idea fooling you ..

April fool!

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I Am All Yours.

My Eyes Are To Stare You.

My Heart Is To Beat For You.

My Mouth Is To Talk To You.

My Arms Are To Hold You Tight.

My Ears Are To Hear Your Sweet Voice.

My Legs Are To Go For A Walk With You.

My Shoulders Are To Put Your Head On.

When You Need To.

My Everything Is Only Yours Baby.

I Am Only Yours..Forever..!!

I've been pushing hard to open ur heart��

Trying to take us back whr we were before

Bt i'm done.. I jst cant do dis anymore��

And i think we should head for the finish line & i gotta pack up n leave!

Nalasopara ke baad virar.. abki baar modi sarkaar

Teri maa ko mera namaskaar apki baar modi sarkaar

Do Aur do, hote hain chaar, abki baar, modi sarkar

Karenge puncture

Kejru ki WagonR

Abki baar Modi Sarkar

Modi ne seekha alok nath se sanskar. Abhi baar modi sarkar

Nahi nahi , abhi nahi, abhi karo intezaar. Abki baar modi sarkar

Cigarette mein hota hai tar, abki baar modi sarkaar

Twinkle twinkle little star.. abki baar modi sarkaar

Rahul gandhi ne khai chocobaar abki baar modi sarkaar

Daaru pine se peth aata hai bahar, abki baar modi sarkaar

Daru pine chalo baar, abki baar modi sarkaar

Paratho ke saath acha lagta hai aam ka aachar abki baar modi sarkaar

Nissan sunny.. its not a car.. its a caaaaaaar.. abki baar modi sarkaar

Chutney ke bina dhokla hai bekaar, abki baar modi sarkar.

I tried so hard, and got so far. But in the end, modi sarkar

Abcdefghijklmnopq r

Abki baar modi sarkar.

Cool drink peekar aati hai dakaar , abki baar

modi sarkar.

Sunny Leone To Alok Nath in a rapid fire round.... -

Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo Tumhare

PANT Me Hai Aur Mere PATICOAT

Me Nahi..

Alok Nath :- " POCKET

Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo Din Me Lene

K Bajay RAAT Ko BISTAR Par Lete

Hai,

Alok Nath :- " NEEND

Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jo LADKI 1st

Time Karwane Par Jor Se Chillati Hai,

Alok Nath :- " KAAN Me CHHED,

Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jiske AAdha

Jane Par DARD Hota Hai Par Pura

Jane Par Accha Lagta Hai,

Alok Nath :- " HATHO Me KANGAN

Sunny Leone :- " Wo Kya Hai Jiske Paas Ho

to HAATH Me Pakad Kar Hilata Hai,

Aur

Jiske Paas Na Ho To UNGLI Daal K

Hilata Hai,

Alok Nath :- "TOOTH BRUSH"

Ye Hote Hai Sanskaar..

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Optimist: Glass is half full

Pessimist: Glass is half empty

Engineer: Glass is twice the size it needs to be..!!!

Rakhi sawants preparing statements for 2014 elections...

\"I Love Sea Food, Specially Porns !!!\"

~ Rakhi Sawant

\"For God\'s sex, stop making fun of my English.\"

~ Rakhi Sawant

i went to Dentist to show my Tits..............

~ Rakhi Sawant

Media: “Aap Kitni Padhi Likhi Ho?”

Rakhi Sawant: “Zyaada Nahi.. Bas Inter-Course Kiya Hai…!!“

\"This year I am standing for Erections\"

Rakhi Sawant

��

If you will give me chance i will give my breast......

rakhi sawant....

Boss hired a sexy secretary; but 10 days later he committed suicide by jumping from his 27th floor office!!

Police: Who was there at that time in the room??

Secretary: I was there ""

Police: What happened? Why did he commit suicide???

Secretary: He was a good man. One day he bought me a fur coat for 2,00,000, then he bought me a diamond necklace for Rs.15,00,000, then he bought me a diamond ring for Rs.5,00,000. Today he asked me to spend the night with him. I told him I charge just Rs. 500 a night!

Moral: Investments are subject to market risk, check the market rate before investing!!""

Dont laugh alone pass it on.

Married life expressed in terms of star plus programs:

Before marriage- Ye hai mohabbatein��

2 months after marriage- Diya aur baati hum��

2 years after marriage- Pyaar ka dard hai��

5 years after marriage- Iss pyaar ko kya naam du? ��

10 years after marriage- Ye rishta kya kehlata hai? ��

20 years after marriage- MAHABHARAT

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Funny but true 10 oneliners from INDIA

1. India is a country where on the streets, everyone seems to be in a hurry, but no one is ever on time..��

2. Here people wear helmets to save their pockets, not life..��

3. Being one in a million in India means that there are 1241 Indians just like you..��

4. In Bangalore if you throw a stone, you hit a dog, or a software engineer and in Delhi it will b a dog or a CA..��

5. If someone asks for a dirty cloth to clean something, you are in India..��

6. In India, it's okay to piss in public, but not kiss..��

7. In India two things never leave you, your caste and your high school marks..��

8.When it comes to taking a stand on world issues, India is like a girl giving mixed signals..��

9. A country whose onions and tomatoes have more value than dollars..��

10 .In India, there are two types of roads: Under Construction and Under Repair.

Larki: Mujhe koi aisi sabzi do jiske 7 faayde hon !

Sabzi wala: Ye Lo madam Gajar !!

1: Pasand aaye to Aloo Matar ke saath paka lena... Warna ..

2: Juice bana ke pe sakti ho... Nahi to ..

3: Salad bana sakti ho... Ye bhi na karo to ..

4: Gajrela bana lena... Nahi to ..

5: Chinese noodles mein daal lena... Aisa bhi nahi to phir ..

6: Murabba bana sakte ho... Ye bhi na ho to ..

7: Achaar bana lena !!

Kaka jo tu dhoond raha hai wo nahi milega...

Post dekh kis Sanskaari aadmi ne likhi hai!!!

A MUST TRY!!!!!!! ALZHEIMERS' EYE TEST

(It's absolutely amazing!)

Count every " F " in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE

SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI

FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH

THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

(SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.

READ IT AGAIN !

Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".

Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!

Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Send this to your friends.

It will drive them crazy.!

Ek Mantri USA gaya to meet his politician friend

Uska ghar bahot khubsurat tha.

Indian : Itna khubsurat ghar kaise banaya?

American: Wo samne bridge nazar aa raha hai ?

Indian : haan

American: Uska 10% apni jeb me...!!

Phir American India aya to hairaan reh gaya k Indian ka ghar us se bhi zada khubsurat hai

American: Tum ne kaise banaya itna khubsurat ghar??

Indian : Wo samne bridge nazar aa raha hai??

American: nahi

Indian :hahahahhahahahahahaha

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Wife raat ko bed pe sokar boli,

Aeji aaj kuch aisa karo ki

pasina aa jaye.

Sardar utha

aur

Fan band karke so gaya ��

I NEVER SEND DIRTY JOKES !!!

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community.

If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay.

If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave.

The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk.

The Pope agreed.

The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.

Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger.

The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head.

Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat.

The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine.

Harbinder pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said,

"I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened.

The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions.

Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us.

He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us.

Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin.

He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"

..........

Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here.

I told him not one of us was leaving.

Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs.

I let him know that we were staying right here."

"Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said Harbinder,

"He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!"

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Sikhs had to leave Italy . Naturally there was a big uproar from the Sikh community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Sikh community. If the Sikh won, the Sikhs could stay. If the Pope won, the Sikhs would leave. The Sikhs realized that they had no choice. So they picked a middle-aged man named Harbinder Singh to represent them. Harbinder asked for one additional condition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. Harbinder Singh and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute. Then the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Harbinder looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Harbinder pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Harbinder pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Sikhs can stay." An hour later, the cardinals were gathered around the Pope asking him what had happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the holy trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still One God common to both our religions. Then, I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. Then, I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?" .......... Meanwhile, the Sikh community had crowded around Harbinder Singh. "What happened?" they asked. "Well," said Harbinder, "First he said to me that the Sikhs had three days to get out of here. I told him not one of us was leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Sikhs. I let him know that we were staying right here." "Yes, and then???" asked the crowd. "I don't know", said Harbinder, "He took out his lunch, and I took out mine!!"

Passwords are like "Underwears"

U shouldnot leave them out where people can see them.

U should change them regularly.

And u shouldnt loan them to strangers

These are actual profiles from
shaadi.com, hilarious they are...
Disclaimer: I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail.. ��

I want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from Orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework.
(Can smbdy plz explain What
Homework???) ��

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I never celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day on particular day but i celebrate every day Mother's Day and Father's Day

My Parents are my day and my month and my year and my whole life.

Without them every thing is nothing like mirage

Innocent Kid : Mummy mujhe bhai chahiye

Mummy : Beta Dad USA me hai, jaise hi wo ayenge hum baat karenge unse

Kid - Aap unhe surprise bhi to de sakte ho��

��

ROCKING GENERATION

The average man has had sex in a car 15 times,

That is something to keep in mind next time when you are looking for a used car!

Everytime I look N ur eyes, I see Heaven...

Everytime I hear ur voice, I hear music.....

Everytime U hold me, I feel safe..........

But When U say "I Love You."

I know that my world is complete!

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Whatsapp Status Of Various God:

Chilling In Water - Vishnu

On Cloud 9 - Brahma

Busy With Apsara - Indra

Hell Is Full - Yamraj..

Mr. Modi, as soon as you become PM of India, request you to please look after the unwanted candy crush request we all have been getting on Facebook

Girls Status : Machar just bited me !!

129 Likes

Boy 1 - Ohh thik toh ho na !! yar

Boy 2 - Aise machar paida hi nahi hone chahiye.

Boy 3 - Rest kar lo babes !!

Boy 4 - Uss ka address dena

Boys Status : Got hit by an Aeroplane

0 Likes

Boy 1 - Dekh ke challa kar saale

Boy 2 - bhai chawanprash kha le.

My wife was all excited about going to Mexico to watch a cock fight.

But I ruined her exitement by telling her that it was just a couple of angry chickens fighting with each other.

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My mom should get awarded for being sarcastic.

Me- mumma woh subah bengan ki sabzi mein

namak thoda jyada ho gya tha.

Mom- nahi beta, sabzi namak ki thi galati se usme

bengan girr gya hoga.

Whenever i watch Iron Man i try to talk to my computer..

then i remember that my "JARVIS" works with a freaking mouse and keyboard...!!

World is so unfair..

An American, a Japanese and a Chinese went for a hike one day.

It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted.

When they came upon a small lake, they took off all their clothes and jumped into the water, since it was fairly secluded.

Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom."

As they were crossing an open area, suddenly a group of ladies from town appeared.

Unable to get to their clothes in time, the American and the Japanese quickly used their hands to cover their privates.

But the Chinese covered his face and the trio ran for cover.

After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the

American and the Japanese asked the Chinese why he covered his face rather than his private part.

The Chinese replied, "I don't know about you....... but in my country,it's the face that people recognise !!!

subway surfers is a perfect example of

"kanoon ke haath lambe hote hai"

no matter how far you're

that cop will catch you definitely

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Mene usko dono hatho se bade pyar se pakda,

Fir dhire-dhire dabaya, fir toda uper uthaya, fir gol-gol gumaya,

Fir bade pyar se litaya,

thoda uper se dabaya fir bade pyar se khaya

wah

kya mast roti bani ti.

apko roti achi lagi to,

LIKE karo na..

Who is a Girl ???

A Girl is the most Beautiful part of God's creation.

She starts compromising at a very tender age.

She sacrifices her chocolates for her brother.

Later she sacrifices her love for just a smile on her parents face.

Then After Marriage

She takes revenge of all things from her Husband..

First

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