The Best Funny Jokes And Funny Images With Stories

Whatsapp Funny

Indian: What did u say u dont know who Sachin Tendulkar is..??

Maria Sharapova: I really dont know who he is..

Indian: Its a shame, everytime u have sex, u take his name.. and you say u dont know him..

Maria Sharapova: Oh God!!

Indian: Exactly!!

The old man in his mid-eighties struggles to get up from the couch then starts putting his coat on. His wife, seeing his unexpected behaviour, asks, "And where do you think you are going?"

He replies, "I'm off to the doctor."

She says, "Why, are you sick?"

He says, "Nope, I'm going to get me some of that Viagra stuff."

Hearing this the wife starts struggling to get out of her rocker, she then slowly goes to the cupboard and starts to put on her coat.

The husband now looks mystified and starts to yell at his wife. He says, "And where on earth do you think you are going?

"Oh" she answers, "I'm off to the doctor, too."

He says, "Why, what do you need a doctor for?"

She says, "Well if you're going to start using that rusty old thing

again, I'm getting a tetanus shot!"

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.

LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.

MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.

A girl was with her father when he saw her boyfriend coming.

GIRL: Have you come to collect your book titled

"DADDY IS HOME?" by Ngozi Okafor.

BOY: No, I want that our hymns called "WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?"

GIRL: I don't have that one... may be you should take the other one "UNDER THE MANGO TREE"

by Chimamanda Adichie.

BOY: Fine, but don't forget to bring "I WILL CALL YOU IN 5 MINS" while coming to school...

GIRL: I will also bring this one too, "I WON'T LET YOU DOWN" by Chinua Achebe.

Then;

DAD: These are too many books, will he read all of them?

GIRL: Yes dad, he is very smart.

DAD: Okay, don't forget to give him the one on the table titled, "I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU'VE BEEN SAYING" by Shakespeare!

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When things are going bad, don't use that as an excuse to give up, use that as motivation to push harder. Never give up.

HR in office: Okay guys, this is a new HR practice- today we are going to play a game.

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the court.

And when I say a any color, you run to the left side of the court.

One who is wrong will not get the increment...

got it?

Employees-: Yes, Got it.

HR: Okay...Ready, Set...

.

.

.

ORANGE!

Employees: :'( :'(

A boss has to interview 4 girls for a secretary position.He asked the same question to each one of them.

Boss: "A woman normally has lips in 2 different places. What's the difference between the two?

First Girl: "one is hairy, the other isn't " . Boss: "OK.. good!"

Second Girl: "one can talk but the other can't ". Boss: "that's better!"

Third Girl: "one is vertical & the other is horizontal ". Boss: "Hmm.. clever!"

Last Girl: "one is for me & the other is for my Boss ".

Boss: "you are hired !!!

She - I love the way you lie.

Me - Ahaan! Naughty girl. Chalo kisi din sath let te hain.

*Blocked*

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A true friend will love you regardless of your past, will be there daily & will be there in the future when you need them.

I love all my TRUE friends.

Hindi songs and their MEDICAL INTERPRETATIONS

Jiya Jale jaan jale,

Raat bhar dhuan chale

-FEVER

Tadap tadap ke is dil se aah nikalti rahi

-HEART ATTACK

Suhani raat dhal chuki ...naa jaane tum kab aoge

-CONSTIPATION

Bidi jalayle jigar se piya jigar ma badi aag he

-ACIDITY

Tujhme rab dikhta hai ..yaara main kya karoo

-CATARACT

Tuje yaad na meri aayi kisi se ab kya kahna

-ALZHEIMER'S

Mann dole mera tann dole

-VERTIGO

Tip tip barsa paani,

paani ne aag lagayee

-URINARY INFECTION

Dil Dhadak Dhadak ke keh raha he..

-HYPERTENSION

Aaj Kal Paaon Zameen par nahi padte mere..

-CORN ON FEET

Haay re

haay Neend nahin aaye..

-INSOMNIA

Batana bi nahi aata, Chupana bi nahi aata..

-PILES

And Above All

Lagi Aaj Saawan ki phir woh Zadi he..

-LOOSE MOTION

3 cheezien kismat walo ko milti hain

1) Sacha Pyar

2) Sachi dosti

3) Apne kaam se kaam rkhne wale rishtedaar !!

Woh waqt door nahi jab sex bhi mobile se hee hoga n bache paida nai balki launch honge special events pe

Jiss tarah ladkiyaan aajkal milne ko naa bolkar yeh bahaana deti hai ki social networking sites par roz toh milte hai hum

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School☻☞ apni to pathshala masti ki pathshala......
Tuition☻☞idhr chala mai udhr chala Jane kaha mai kidhr chala......
Maths☻☞ajeeb daastan h ye kaha shru kaha khatam.......
Exam☻☞zahreeli raate ninde ud jati h........
Result☻☞dhk dhk krne laga o mora jiyara drne laga.......
Pass☻☞aaj mai uper aasma niche aaj mai aage zamana peechhe.....
Fail☻☞chhan se jo tute koi sapna jag suna suna lage........

One night, a man and his lady friend were about to enter his apartment, when, before he could open the door, she says, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

"Well, give me some examples." says the man.

The lady explains, "Well, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced, and that isn't for me either." Then she asks, "How do you unlock your door?"

"Well," said the man, "Before I do anything else, I lick the lock..."��*Rotfl*

Achche Din Aayenge...

We Will Be In A Better POSITION On Next Independence Day.

This One Is 68th...!!!

Jis Ko Samaj Me Aaye Wo Thoko Like.

Baaki Log Pogo Dekho...!

Jo bachpan me school mein 'Class Monitor' nahi ban paye the..

Wo sab abhi Whatsapp pe 'Group Admin' ban ke apne Ego shant kar rahe hai..

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Who said landline phones are out of fashion ?

Buy a samsung mobile ,

saara din charging me laga rehta hai ,

maa kasam landline vali feel aati hai !

SBI Bank: Humara bank aapko bina interest ke loan de raha hai....

Alia bhat:

Agar dene mein interest hi nahi hai to kyu de rahe ho? Nahi chahiye....

Behind every 'Wow, congrats bhai you deserved her ��
.
.
there's a ' is suwar ko bhi bandi mil gayi, ek main hi reh gaya hun'

A girl will have CRUSH on any guy if the guy has a sweet CANDY below

Thats the reason why girls love to play CANDY CRUSH

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Most Dashing Line Written On The Front Of T-Shirt Of Newly Engaged Girl.

“Opening Shortly“

A couple had a fight

Husband : I feel like informing everybody that u are useless!!

Wife : Rehne do...I will myself inform everybody that I am used less.

Sometimes I wish I was a bird so I could crap on the people I don't like.. Bahahaha :D

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love... :)

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Dukandar- bolo Sahab, kya Chaahiye ?
Aadmi : hone wali Biwi ke Kutte ke liye Cake lene aaya hoon..
milega kya ??
Dukandar : haan.. per yahi Khaaoge ya Pack Kar doon ??��

Ekdum taazaaaaaa!

Ladkiwale - Hame aisa Ladka chahiye jo Paan, Cigrette, Daru na leta ho....
Sirf Boiled Khana khae..... Din Raat Bhagwan ka Naam le......
Pandit - Aisa ladka to apko wo samane wale Leelavati Hospital ke ICU mein hee milega..

Wife : "Naari" Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.

Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?

Husband : 'Sahan Shakti'..

Ladke wale: Hamko Ladki Pasand He,
Shadi Kab Karni He ?
Ladki wale : Abhi to Ladki study kar rahi hai,
Ladke wale:Ha to hamara ladka konsa chhota he jo books faad dega.....

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Santa ke lips jale hue the
Banta: Kaise jale
Santa: Wife ko railway station drop krne gaya
tha.
Banta: To?
Santa: Khushi ke mare.
Train ke engine ko choom liya!!!.....

Ek admi khade-khade chaabi se apna kaan
khujla raha tha
Santa use gaur se dekhte hue bola-
Bhaisahab, aap start nahi ho rahe to dhakka Maru...

Challenge :-
Sawal ka jawab yes or no.
Ager dum hai to is sawal ka
jawab Yes or no me deke batao,
...
...
...
...
...
Kya aap ko pagalpan ke Dohre padhne band ho gaye hai??

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A Rajasthani girl marries a Japanese. A year later they are blessed with twins.
They name them,
Jo-hoyo, So-hoyo.
Another year later they have an unplanned baby. They name him,
Yo-ki-ho yo!

Challenge :-
Sawal ka jawab yes or no.
Ager dum hai to is sawal ka
jawab Yes or no me deke batao,
...
...
...
...
...
Kya aap ko pagalpan ke Dohre padhne band ho gaye hai??

Ek mantri ji Gaanv mein Sabha ko sambodhit karne jaa rahe the.

Gaanv ke pehle hi Unki Car ke neeche kutta aa gaya.
Kutta mar gaya aur saath hi Accident ke karan Car bhi kharab ho gayi.

Mantri ji ne driver ko gaanv walo ko madad ke liye bulane bheja!

Kareeb 2 ghante baad jab driver lauta, to uske gale mein dher saari malayein padi hui thi.

Mantri ji ne puchha: Tune aise kya kiya jo tera itna samman hua?
Driver bola:
Maine to sirf itna kaha tha ki..
Mantri ji ki car ka accident ho gaya hai… Kutta mar gaya!!

Ladkiyo ka real fact. :-

pahle to ladke se kahti hai ..tum
mujhe pasand
karte ho na..
.
.
.
Ladka:"nahi to..
.
.
Ladki:"mai sab janti hu..
.
.
.
Ladka:"pata hai ek ladki mujhe acchi
lagti hai..
.
.
Ladki:"wo mai hi hu na such bolo...
.
.
Moral:"ladke kabhi propose nahi
karte..
ladkiya unse Propose karwati hai.....

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Ek shaitan baccha unknown number
se call karta hai..
.
.
ek aadmi uthata hai..
Aadmi:"Hello..
Baccha:" Ullo pullo kullo !!
Aadmi:"Kaun
hai
be ??
Baccha:" Ek Insan
Aadmi:" Wo pata hai naam bol??
Baccha:" Main ek ganda bacha hu !
Aadmi:" Teri to esi ki tesi Kahaan
rehta hai tu ??
Baccha:" Prithvi pe..
Aadmi:" Wo to pata hai, phone kyu
kiya ??
Baccha:" Tujhe pareshan karne ke
liye...
Aadmi:" Ruk saale..
apne baap ko bula! Chhakke ki
aulaad..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Baccha:" Hello papa, main pappu...

Whats Love?
...
Its love when a little baby girl puts all her energy 2 give her daddy a head massage 2 relief his headache....
....
Its love when a wife makes tea 4 her husband & take a sip b4 him 2 see if the tea is ok....
...
Its love when a mother gives her son da best piece of chicken n he pass it 2 his younger sister....
.....
Its Love when a friend holds ur hand tightly on a slippery road after rain 4 ur protection....
...
Its love when when ur parents sleep under a fan while they want you to study well under an AC..

Teacher:
why did you laugh?
Boy:
I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher:
GET OUT. No class for you for a week.
Another boy laughs.
Teacher:
why did you laugh?
Boy:
I saw both straps.
Teacher:
GET OUT. No class for you for a month.
She bends down to pick a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out.
Teacher:
Pappu why are you going out?
Pappu:
with what I saw I think my school days are over...!!!...¥

3 BIGGEST LIES OF A STUDENT'S
LIFE....
.
.
1 " bhai aaj tu khilade kal mein
tujhe treat dunga..."
.
.
2), " bahot masti karli yaar...ab kal
se padhna
shuru karunga pkka..." .
.
.
3)"mam homework kiya tha but
copy ghar pe
bhul gaya...."
.
.
AGREE Students??

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Bhagwan ka diya sab kuch
hai:"Books hai
Notes hai
Time hai
.
.
aur hausla to itna hai ki..
.
..
jab chahe padh ke TOP kar sakte
hai,
bus 1 hi baat ki kami hai.,
.
.
.
"MOOD"Saala banta hi nhi…
Sahi kaha na maine ?

Pakistani politician bilawal bhutto ne kaha hai ke ham India se poora Kashmir lelenge...

Ab is bachhe ko kaun samjhaye Ham Indians train aur bus ki window seat kisi ko nahi dete to Kashmir kya ghanta dedenge...

Just for fun Bilawal Bhutto jokes..

6 Best Doctors in the World-
1.Sunlight
2.Rest
3.Exercise
4.Diet
5.Self Confidence
&
6.Friends
Maintain them in all stages of Life and enjoy
Laughing Colours wish you all have healthy life

Judge: tumhari aakhiri wish...!!!
.
.
Mujrim: aapki beti se shadi,
nokia n8,
5 caror rupye,
usa ka visa,
2 saal ka honeymoon,
6-7 bachche jo aapko nana nana kahein aur mujhe papa,
aur main un sab ki shadi karwa du !
.
uske baad aap jo faisla do mujhe manzoor hoga...!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
Judge: jor se. Kudh kar ...
hahahaha.........
meri koi beti hi nahi.....
taango saale ko..!

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Girl:Is Dress Ka
Kya Price Hai ?
.
Shopkeeper: Sirf 5 Kiss
.
.
.
Girl: Aur us dress ka?
.
.
.
.
Shopkeepr: Sirf 10 Kiss
.
.
Girl: Dono Dress Pack Kar Do,BiLL Daadi Degi...

In ancient Greece, throwing an apple at a woman was considered a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.

This tradition still continues - throw an apple (iPhone6) and she will say YES!

Pappu 2 cigaret pee raha tha.
.
.
Girl - 2 cigaret kyo pee rahe ho.
.
.
PAPPU - dost ki yaad aa gai .. ek dost ke liye or ek mere.
.
.
kuch din baad Pappu ek cigaret pee raha tha.
.
.
Girl - ek cigaret pee rahe ho dost ko bhul gaye.
.
.
.
.
.
.
PAPPU - nahi pagal, mene cigaret peena chod diya......Ye to dost ke liye HAI

How Smart this kid is
Ek Baccha Apni Maa ke Saath ek Dukan par Shopping karne gaya to Dukandaar ne uski Maasumiyat dekhkar Usko Saari Tofiyo k Dibbe khol kar kaha "Lo Beta Toffyia le lo" Par Us Bacche ne Bhi bade Pyaar se Unhe mana kar diya. .

Uske Baawajud Us Dukandaar ne auruski Maa ne bhi Use bahut kaha par wo mana karta raha. .
Haar kar Us Dukandar ne khud Apne haath se Toffiya
nikal kar Use di to Usne jhat se wo Toffiya le li . . aur Apni jeb me daal li. .

Wapis aate huye uski Maa ne Puchha ki jab Uncle
Tumhare saamne Dibba khol kar Toffy de rahe the
tab tumne nahi li aur jab Unhone Apne Haatho se di
to le li, . . Aisa kyu..?

Tab Us Bacche ne bahut Khôöbsurat
aur Pyaara jawaab diya . .
"Maa Mere Haath Chhote Chhote hai, . Agar Mai Toffiya leta to bahut Thodi si aati par Uncle ke haath bade hai isliye jyada
Toffiya milli hai...!

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Santa: shirt ke liye ek acha kapda dikhaiye.
Sales man: plain main dikhau.

Santa: Nahin helicopter main dikha
saale bandar ki aulad... Yahin pey dikha!!

Opportunities are Equal for all, But the Difference is that... ��
Positive person gives Results and
Negative person gives Reasons..!!

...

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