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Movie titles related to Engineer students:
exams – socha na tha,
classes – kabhi kabhi,
question papers – na tum jano na hum,
copying – yaarana,
maths2 – asambhav,
maths1 – mission impossible,
environmental sciences – pyar mein kabhi kabhi,
1st semester – kuch to hai,
2nd semester – yeh kya ho raha hai,
distinction – kal ho na ho,
1st class – raju bangaya gentleman,
2nd class – dil mange more
fail – phir milenge
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1 santa airhostess se,
“Aapki shakal meri biwi si bohut milti hai!”
Hostess ne zordar thappar us k mun pe mara..
santa forun bola:”Adat bhi bohut milti hai”
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Santa apni biwi k office gaya
to usne dekha k uski biwi
boss ki godi me baithi dictation le rahi thi.
Santa:- Chal LAajo, aisi jagah kaam nahi karna
jahan staff k liye kursi bhi na ho.
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Boy to Girl: Tum nahati nahi ho kya?
Grl: Main to roz nahati hoon, but tumne aisa kyun pucha?
By: Kabhi dekha nahi na,isliye pucha. !!
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Angrez darwaza kholne ko hindi me kaise kahega...
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U dnt kw......?
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.Mai batata hu......
Wo kahega "THERE WAS A COLD DAY."
Say ten times khud samajh aa jayega
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Gadha 1: Yaar main jis dhobi ke ghar kaam karta hoon,wo mujhe bahut marta hai.
Gadha 2: Tu ghar chor kar bhaag kyo nahi jata.
Gadha 1: Kya batau yaar dhobi ki ek bahut koobsurat ladki hai, wo jab bhi shararat karti hai to dhobi kehta hai ki, teri shaadi is gadhe se kar dunga.Bas ye hi soch kar ruka hua hoon wahan par.
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Log Bus Ke Intezaar Main Khade The.
1 Funny Bhikari Aaya,
Sab Logon Se Bheek Maangi,
Paise KamayeOr Taxi Main Baith Kar Chala Gaya.
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Premika: Agar Duniya main Aurat Nahi Hoti, To Tumhari Pent Main Batan Kaun Taangta.
Premi: Agar Duniya main Aurat Nahi Hoti, To Pent Pehenne Ki Jarurat Kya Thi
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Premika: Agar Duniya main Aurat Nahi Hoti, To Tumhari Pent Main Batan Kaun Taangta.
Premi: Agar Duniya main Aurat Nahi Hoti, To Pent Pehenne Ki Jarurat Kya Thi
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After 2 Year Of Married Life, Some Examples How Wives Fight With Their Husbands….
Accountant Wife: Apne Hisab Se Raho Samjhe,
Share Broker Wife: Jyada Bola Na Toh Sauda Kar Dungi Loss Mein,
Orthopedic Doctor Wife: Kam Bolo, Haddiyan Tod Dungi,
Piolet Wife: Aaj Kal Jyada Hee Hawa Mein Udd Rahey Ho, Zameen Par Laau Kya Abhi,
History Teacher Wife: Mujhe Jyada Itihaas Mat Sikhao Samjhe,
Software Engineer Wife: Abey Pehle Bug Toh Nikal Le, Baad Mein Bahas Karna….
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Teacher: Engineering Collage Se Tum Kya Samajhte Ho.
Pappu: Jab 12th Main acche Marks Aane Par Punishment Milta Hai, To Engineering Collage Main Jaana Padta hai.
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Har Raat Ek Naam Yaad Ata Hai,
Kabhi Subha Kabhi Sham Yaad Ata Hai,
Sochte Hai Hum Kar Le Dusri Mohabbat,
Fir Pehli Mohabbat Ka ANJAAM Yaad Ata Hai..
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Nasha Jaruri Hai Zindagi Liye,
Par Sirf Sharab Hi Nahi Hai Bekhudi Ke Liye,
Kisi Ki Mast Nigahon Me Doob Jao,
Bada Haseen Samander Hai Khudkhushi Ke Liye..
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Chehre Ki Har Muskaan Ban Jaata Hai Koi,
Dil Ki Har Dhadkan Ban Jata Hai Koi,
Fir Kaise Jiyenge Zindagi Unke Bin,
Jab Zindagi Jine Ki Wajah Ban Jata Hai Koi..
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Boy: Tera Naam Kya He?
Girl: Meena, Aur Tumhara?
Boy: KaminaGirl: Jhut Mat Bolo
Boy: Tum 5mint Pass Beth Ke Dakh Lo Tum Isi Naam Se Bulaogi.
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I Love You
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Ka Spelling Thik Hai Ki Nahi Bas Yehi Conform Karna Tha,
Log Pata Nahi Kya Samaj Lete Hai
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Kabhi Hath Pe,
Kabhi Honth Pe,
Kabhi Ankh Pe,
Kabhi Gal Pe,
Kabhi Naak Pe,
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Kiss
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Kadar MAKHIYAN Pareshan Karti Hai Garmi Me..
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Customar: Waiter, Aisi Chai Pilao
Jisko Pee Kar Tan Man Jhum Uthe Aur
Badan Nachne Lage.
Waiter: Sir, Humare Yaha Bheins Ka Dudh Aata Hai,
Shakira Ka Nahi..
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Wife: Hamari Padosi Har Saal
Apne Pati Ke Sath 10 - 15 Din Bahar
Ghumne Jati Hai.
Aap Kabhi Leke Gaye..?
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Husband: Mene To 4 - 5 Baar Puchha
Par Wo Nahi Manti He.
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Jo STUDENTS paas ho gaye unko
CONGRATULATIONS
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or
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Jo STUDENTS fail ho gaye unko
DOUBLE CONGRATULATIONS
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Kyu ki unki CLASS Me NAYI LADKIYA Hogi..!!
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Aisi Konsi Website He Jise Ladke Aur Ladki Chup Chup Ke Dekhte Hai
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Harbar Aaisi Soch Mat Paida Karo, Thoda To Sudhar Jaao..
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Nokrani: Madam Ji, Aap Apna Suit Wapis Lelo,
Jab Me Ye Pehenti Hu To Apko Samajh Kar Saheb Dhyan Hi Nhi Dete,
Or Sala Wo Driver Pichhe Se Aa Kar Lipat Jata Hai!!
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Sasur Ne Daamaad Se: 6 Saale Me 8 Bache, Ye Kya Hai?
Daamaad: Maine Aapse Kaha Tha Gareeb Jarur Hu Par Aapki Beti Ko Kabhi Khali Pet Nahi Rakhunga!
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Bhikhari - Babu Ji Roti Milegi?
Ander Se Awaj Aai Biwi Ghar Pe Nahi Hai..
Bhikhari - CHUMMA Nahi Manga, Roti Mangi Hai..
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Ravaan - Bhiksha De Do,
Aurat - Ye Lo,
Ravan - Hiiee Ha Ha..Main Bhikshuk Nai Ravaan Hoon..
Aurat - Main Bhi Sita Nai Rakhi Sawant Hoon...
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Boy: Tera Naam Kya He?
Girl: Meena, Aur Tumhara?
Boy: Kamina
Girl: Jhut Mat Bolo
Boy: Tum 5mint Pass Beth Ke Dakh Lo Tum Isi Naam Se Bulaogi.
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All Human beings become rich as they grow old:
I mean;
Sugar in Blood,
Gold in Teeth,
Silver in Hair,
Precious Stones in Kidney &
Finally never ending supply of Gas…!
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Teacher- Boys aapko Amir Khan aur Kajol Ki film FANNA se kya lesson mila ?
Boys- Andhi, Langri, Behri, Goongi, ………job hi mile phansa lo.
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Baccha: Mamma kya mai bhagwan ki tarah dikhta hu?
Mammi: Nhi, lekin tum aisa kyu phuch rhe ho beta.
Baccha: Kyunki Mamma mai kahi bhi jata hu sab yhi kahte hai kihey bhagwan phir se aa gya..!
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Teacher: paani m rehne wale 5 janwar k naam batao!??
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Pappu: mendak
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Teacher: 4 aur batao
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Pappu: mendak ki mummy
mendak ka daddy
mendak ki behen
aur uski item
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Kaminey dost Boy:- Agar bo meri nahi hui toh kisi ki nahi hone dunga
Dost:- Aur agar teri hui toh ham sabki hone dega????
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My Friend was sitting outside a nursing home
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Me : Kya hua sab thik to hai?
yaha kyu baitha hai?
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Friend : Haa sab thik,
Yaha Wi-fi ka signal aa ra hai
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At a World Conference, the heads of States of all countries were boasting about their technical know-how. So they all decided that to prove their boasts, each country should show an engineering feat to the world.In a few days, the U.S.A made a hollow tube of fiberglass, a millimeter in diameter. It was then sent to the Russia. They put a conducting wire in the tube. The Japanese, to prove their superiority, bored a hole through the wore.Finally, it was sent to India. It came back without any apparent change."Well, what have you done?" asked everybody."Look here," said the Indian, putting the wire under a microscope. Clearly visible were the words "Made in India."
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The School Inspector asked the class whether he should ask one difficult question, or two simple questions. A clever student told him to ask only one difficult question. The Inspector asked him the place where the first woman was born. The boy answered that it was at the Lady Hardinge Hospital, New Delhi. "How do you know?" the Inspector asked."No second question, please," the boy triumphantly replied.
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Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs."I pray for a new bicycle... I pray for a new Nintendo... I pray for a new VCR..."His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf."To which the little brother replied, "No, but the grandma is!
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Top ten reasons why men prefer guns over women:
#10 - You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.
#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out.
#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.
#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Guns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
........ And the Number One reason Why Men Prefer Guns over women....
#1 - You can buy a silencer for a gun!
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Woman's Quote of the Day:Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with.
Men's Counter-Quote of the Day:Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.
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Girls are the Most Wonderful Creatures In the World....!!! Though You Find Them Difficult Enough because....
If You Kiss Her... You Are not a Gentleman..!!!& If You Don't... You Are Not A Man!
If You Praise Her... She Thinks You Are Lying!!!& If You Don't.. You Are Good For Nothing!
If You Agree To All Her Likes... You Are A Wimp !!!& If You Don't.. You Are Not Understanding!
If You Visit Her Often... She Thinks You Are Boring !!!& If You Don't.. She Accuses You Of Double-Crossing!
If You Are Well Dressed... She Says You Are A Playboy !!!& If You Don't... You Are A Dull Boy!
If You Are Jealous... She Says Itz Bad!!!& If You Don't... She Thinks You Don't Luv Her!
If You Attempt Doing Romance... She Says You Didn't Respect Her!!!& If You Don't... She Thinks You Don't Like Her!
If You Are A Minute Late... She Complains It's Hard To Wait !!!& If She Is Late... She Says that's A Girl's Way!
If You Visit Another Man... You're Not Putting In "Quality time" !!!& If She Is Visited By Another Woman... "Oh It's Natural, We are Girls"!
If You Kiss Her Once In a While... She Professes You Are Cold!!!& If You Kiss Her often... She Yells that You Are Taking Advantage!
If You Fail To Help Her In Crossing the Street... You Lack Ethics!!!& If You Do... She Thinks It's Just One Of Men Tactics For Seduction!
If You Stare At Another Woman... She Accuses You Of Flirting!!!& If She Is Stared By Other Men... She Says that they Are Just Admiring!
If You Talk... She Wants You To Listen!!!& If You Listen... She Wants You To Talk!
In Short:So Simple... Yet So Complex !!!So Weak... Yet So Powerful !!! So Confusing... Yet So Desirable !!!So Damning... Yet So Wonderful!!!
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Once upon a time ..a small boy named Hameed living in a tiny primitive Moroccan village was bvery moron and all his classmates hate him for his stupidity especially his teacher Aisha who was always yelling on him"you are driving me crazy Hameed" ..one day his mother went to check out how is he doing and the teacher Aisha told her honestly that her son is simply a disaster, getting very low marks and even she never seen such a dumb boy in her whole career...the mother could not accept such a feed back and not only she took her son out from that school but she even shifted to another city.
25 years later, that teacher got an incurable cardio disease and all the doctors have strongly advised her to go for an open heart operation which only one surgeon could perform...effectively, left with no other choices she did the surgery and was successful ...when she opened her eyes ,she has seen a handsome doctor smiling to her, being under anesthesia effect, she would loved to thank him but could not talk ,at his turn,he was stiring at her face which started turning to bleu, she was raising her hand trying to tell him some thing but in vain and eventually died...the doctor was shocked and hardly trying to understand what just happened till he turned back and saw our friend Hameed working as a cleaner in that clinic who unplugged the oxygen device to connect his Vaccum.
Don't tell me you were thinking that Hameed became a doctor. This is called a Twist in the Tale!
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Sardiyo Mein Skin Khushk Ho Jaye To Pani Mein Haldi Aur Zara Sa Milk Powder Daal Kar Ubal Lein.
Thanda Ho Jaye To 1/2 Cup Dahi Daal Ke Mixture Ko Dhoop Mein 4 Ghante Rakhen.
Baad Mein 1 Chammach Zzaitoon Ka Tail, 1 Desi Anda Aur 1 Chutki Zaafran Daal Kar Phaint Lein.
Zaroorat Ho To Garam Pani Daalein.
Jab Wo Sahi Se Paste Ban Jaye To Use Dustbin Mein Phenk Dein.
Aur Munh Pe Cold Cream Laga Lein.
Jab Badiya Se Badiya Cold Cream Market Mein Maujud Hai To Bina Wajah Time Waste Karne Kee Kya Zaroorat Hai.
Gaur Se Padhne Ka Shukriya.
Aur Galiyan Na Dein Mujhe.
Aage Forward Kar Dein.
Dil Ko Sukoon Milega!
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A husband and a wife were sleeping. Suddenly, a sound of a car screeching was heard outside.
The wife woke up and shouted, "Oh it must be my husband!"
The husband woke up after he hear his wife's words and ran off to hide in a bush outside.
Moments later, the husband came in, angry, "What do you mean 'Oh it must be my husband!' Are you saying you have other men over?"
Wife, "Well, then why did you run away?"
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This is an actual job application someone submitted at a McDonald's fast food establishment. Not sure if they hired him...
NAME:Armando Rodriguez...
DESIRED POSITIONReclining. Ha ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY$185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATIONYes.
LAST POSITION HELDReclining on my mom's couch.
SALARYLess than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENTMy incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVINGIt sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORKAny
PREFERRED HOURS1:30 - 3:30 pm, Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?I may already be a winner of the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?Only when set on fire.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.
SIGN HEREScorpio with Libra rising.
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Husband in a good mood:
Darling, remember 25 years ago.... I had a rented one room apartment, a table fan, a black & white tv and a cycle to use. But, at night I used to sleep besides a 25 yrs old beautiful girl.
Now I own a luxurious bungalow with, 4 LED TVs, a Limousine and a Porsche, servants... but I sleep with a 50 yrs old woman.
Wife: Dont worry... Just find yourself a 25 yrs old beautiful woman... and I will make sure that you go back to your 1 room rented apartment, table fan, black & white TV and a cycle.
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Dharam Pita... not real father.
Dharam Maa... not real mother.
Dharam Putra... not real son.
Dharam Bhai...... not real brother.
Dharam Behan... not real sister.
But how this zabardast mistake happened? Dharam PATNI... means REAL WIFE.
Pata Karo Shashtro Main Kahan Galti Huyi... !!
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A man was pulled over for driving too fast, even though he thought he was driving just fine.
Officer: You were speeding.
Man: No, I wasn't.
Officer: Yes, you were. I'm giving you a ticket.
Man: But I wasn't speeding.
Officer: Tell that to the judge! (The officer gives man the ticket.)
Man: Would I get another ticket if I called you an idiot?
Officer: Yes, you would.
Man: What if I just thought that you were?
Officer: I can't give you a ticket for what you think.
Man: Fine, I think you're an idiot!
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Sunny Leone: Mujhe Koi aisi Sabzi Do Jiske 7 Phaayde Hon !
Sabziwaala: Ye Lo Madam Gajar !!!
1..: Pasand Aaye Toh Aloo Matar Ke Saath Paka Lena... Warna...
2. Juice Bana Ke Pe Sakti Ho... Nahi Toh...
3. Salad Bana Sakti Ho... Ye Bhi Na Theek Lage Toh...
4. Gaajar Ka Halwa Bana Lena... Nahi Toh...
5. Chinese Noodles Mein Daal Lena... Aisa Bhi Nahi Toh Phir...
6. Murabba Bana Sakte Ho... Aur Agar Ye Bhi Na Pasand Aaye Toh...
7. Achaar Bana Lena !!!
Bhai !!! Jo Tu Dhoond Raha Hai Woh Yahan Nahin Milga...
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A lion was getting married and all animals attended the wedding. Every animal stood a distance and wished then lion.
A mouse came and climbed to the stage and extended his hand to wish the lion.
The lion roared in rage and said, "How dare you come up the stage? Even the tiger is maintaining distance and you climbed the stage."
The mouse replied and after listening to that the lion fainted. What would have the mouse said ??? Any guess???
The mouse said, "Oh shut up buddy, even I was lion before marriage."
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TO: ALL EMPLOYEESFROM: Human Resources
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their coworkers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with coworkers. Therefore, a list of TRY SAYING new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees. SO...
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.INSTEAD OF: When the hell do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING: I'm certain that is not feasible.INSTEAD OF: No fuckin way!!
TRY SAYING: Really?INSTEAD OF: You've got to be shitting me.
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a shit.
TRY SAYING: Of course I'm concerned.INSTEAD OF: Ask me if I give a shit.
TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.INSTEAD OF: It's not my frigging problem.
TRY SAYING: That's interesting.INSTEAD OF: What the hell?!?!
TRY SAYING: I'm not sure I can implement this.INSTEAD OF: Fuck it. It won't work.
TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.INSTEAD OF: Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?
TRY SAYING: Are you sure this is a problem?INSTEAD OF: Who the hell cares?
TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the problem.INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his ass.
TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?INSTEAD OF: Eat shit and die.
TRY SAYING: So, you weren't happy with it?INSTEAD OF: Kiss my ass.
TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at this moment.INSTEAD OF: Fuck it! I'm on salary.
TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your ass!
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.INSTEAD OF: This job sucks.
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?INSTEAD OF: Who the hell died and made you boss?
TRY SAYING: I see.INSTEAD OF: Blow me.
TRY SAYING: Yes, we really should discuss it.INSTEAD OF: Another darned meeting!!!
TRY SAYING: I don't think this will be a problem.INSTEAD OF: I really don't give a shit.
TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.INSTEAD OF: He's a frigging prick.
TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go getter.INSTEAD OF: She's a ball busting bitch.
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the hell you're doing.
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Fred is 34 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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A real woman is a man's best friend.
She will never stand him up and never let him down.She will reassure him when he feels insecure And comfort him after a bad day.She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do;to live without fear and forget regret.She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...
No wait... SORRY.I'm thinking of whiskey. It's whiskey that does all that shit. Never mind.
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