Teacher Bachon Se: Dopehar Ko Sham Ne Ram Ki Behan Se Pyaar Kiya,Bacho Iska Future Tense Banao.
Ek Ladka Khada Hokar Bola: Raat Ko Sham Ram Ki Patni Ke Saath Pyaar Karega.
Papu admission lene college gaya.
Principle: Main tum se 1 Mushkil sawal puchun ya 10 Asaan?
Papu: 1 mushkil sawaal.
Principle: Batao Din pehle aata hai ya Raat?
Papu: Din.
Principle: wo kaise?
Papu: Sorry sir ye Aap ne Dusra sawal puch liya.
Teacher: Galti hone pe maafi magne wale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: Samajhdar.
Teacher: Aur galti na hone pe bhi mafi mangne waale ko kya kahte hai?
Stud: BOYFRIEND.
Girl to her engineer bf: Tum mujhe dhokha toh nhi doge na?
He: Ab tu bhi mera mazak udayegi?
Tujhe dhokha dene ke liye dusri kaha se launga?
Ek kutta ek car k neeche baitha tha.
Santa aaya aur usk pooch kheechta hua bola: Nikal saale bhootni k.
Bada aaya mechanical engineer.
Everybody says Engineering is so easy,
That it is just like walking in a park.
But only Engineers know that,
Park is called Jurassic Park.
मत शिक्षा दो इन बच्चों को चांद-सितारे छूने की।
चांद- सितारे छूने वाले छूमंतर हो जाएंगे।
अगर दे सको, शिक्षा दो तुम इन्हें चरण छू लेने की,
जो मिट्टी से जुङे रहेंगे, रिश्ते वही निभाएंगे।
Student ko miss ne thapar maara.
Teacher: Aaj Tum Late Q Aaye?
School 7 baje Shuru Hota Hai Fir der Q Ki?
Student: Teacher, Aap Mera Itni besabri se Intzar Mat Kiya Karo,
Log Galat Samajte hai.
During engineering viva.
Q: What is sensitivity?
Ans: Kuch thanda ya garam khane se daanto me tez jhanjhanahat ho to use sensitivity kehte hai.
अध्यापक (छात्र से): बताओ तुम इतिहास पुरूष में सबसे ज्यादा किससे नफरत करते हो.
बच्चा: राजा राम मोहन राय से.
अध्यापक: क्यूं?
बच्चा: उन्होंने ही बाल विवाह बंद करवाया था वरना आज हम भी बीवी बच्चे वाले होते.
Teacher: English me counting sunao.
Student: One, Two, Three, Four.
Teacher: Aage?
Student: Get on the dance floor,
Gets kicked out.
Teacher To Student: What Is Hyper Active Possessive Definition Of Circulated Motion.
Student: Zimbalakadi Takada Bamba Huchalu.
Teacher: I Did Not Understand What You Said.
Student: Same Here, Mam.
Kal raat bahut dino ke bad book kholi to Ehsaas hua.
ki,
Ki book kholne ke baad jo nind aati hai,
Wo nind ki goli khane ke baad bhi nahi aati.
Bacha Chest pe hath rak k pen uthne k liye jhuka.
Baap: Chest pe hath kyu rkha?
Bacha: College me madam bina hath rakhe juki thi to fefde bahar aagaye.
लड़कीः इतनी गौर से क्यों देख रहे हो तुम्हारी कोई बहन नहीं है क्या?
ME: बहन है इसलिए ही तो देख रहा हूं
उसने कहा है भैय्या कॉलेज से भाभी लाना.
Teacher: Kal School kyon nahi aaye tum?
Pappu: GirlFriend Se Milne Gaya Tha.
Teacher: Kis Liye?
Pappu: Yes Sir.
Teacher: Maine Pucha Kis Liye?
Pappu: Liye Sir, Bahut liye.
Teacher: Santa yeh batao tense kitne tarah ke hote hai?
Santa: Teen maidam.
Teacher: Teeno ke ek ek example batao.
Santa: Madam, Maine kal aapki beti ko dekha tha.
Aaj mein ussey pyar karta hoon aur kal mein ussey bhaga kar le jaunga.
Son: Papa Ap Ko Yaad Hai,
Ap Ne Kaha Tha Ki Agar Exam Me Paas Hua,
To 5000 Rs Inam Denge.
Papa: Han Han Bilkul Yaad Hai.
Son: To Mubarak Ho,
Ap Ke 5000 Bach Gaye.
Papa: Ek mixer nahi sahi kar sakta,
Kya fayda hua 7 lakh kharch karne ka?
Beta: Lekin papa, mai to Software Engineer hu.
Papa: Bas ab behas mat kar.
College life,
ASSIGNMENT copy karte time,
Oye Ye kya likha hai?
Jo word samajh aa raha haiwo likh,
jo nai aaraha uska aisa hi design bana de.
Father to his son: How was the paper?
Son: Bas pehla sawal chut gaya.
Father: Acha,aur baki?
Son: 3rd mujhe ata nahi tha, 4th main karna bhul gya,
5th mujhe nazar nahi aya nd 6th paper ki pichli taraf tha meine dekha nahi.
Father gusse me bola: Aur 2nd ques?
Son: Bas sirf wahi galat hua hai.
Teacher: Jawani aur,
Budhape me farak batao?
Student: Jawani me mobile me HASEENO,
K numbers hote hai,
Aur Budhape me HAKEEMO ke.
Pappu ki master se hui ladai,
Mastr ne ki pappu ki dhulai,
Pappu ka grm hua khoon,
Gaya kabristan aur kabr pe master ke photo tang k likh diya,
COMING Soon.
Aasma mein kaali ghata ch h,
Aaj fir principal se mar kh h,
Sab kehte h sudhar ja,
Kya kare aaj madam fir sheela ban k aayi h.
टीचर: अगर कोई स्कूल के सामने बम रखता है
तो क्या करोगे ?
स्टूडेंट: 1 2 घंटे देखंगे
अगर कोई ले जाता है तो ठीक है
वरना Staff Room में रख देंगे.
Teacher: Why are u late? all ur classmates came to class on time.
Student: Jhund me kutte ate hain sir. Sher to akela aata hai.
Ek student roz roz Maths ke teacher ko phone lagata.
Teachers wife: Kitni baar bataya, ke woh mar chuke hai.
Fir baar baar phone kyu karte ho?
Student: Sun ke accha lagta hai.
BIKHARI: Bhagwan k naam pe kuch de de.
ENGINEER: Ye le meri B.tech ki degree rakh le.
BIKHARI: Tujhe chahiye to meri M.tech ki rakh le.
A good lecture should be like a Girl’s mini skirt,
Long enough to cover the subject &,
Short enough to create interest.
Classroom is like a train.
1st 2 benches are 4 VIP executives,
Middle 2 benches are general compartments &,
LOast 2 benches are sleeper coaches.
College ke first day,
Ladka: Tumhara naam kya hai?
Ladki: Mujhe sab didi kehte hai.
Ladka: WOW MUJHE SAB JIJAJI KEHTE HAIN.
ASSIGNMENT copy karte time,
Oye Ye kya likha hai?
Jo word samajh aa raha haiwo likh,
jo nai aaraha uska aisa hi design bana de.
Santa aur Banta B.A mein aathvi Baar Fail Ho gaye,
Santa: Chal Suicide kar le.
Banta: Saaleya Pagal Ho Gaya Hai,
Agle janam Fir NURSERY toh hi shuru karna payega.
Maths sir: What is a line?
A genius answered: A line is a dot, Going for a walk.
Pati: Janu Tum Pareshan Si Kyu Lag Rahi Ho?
Biwi Darte Hue Boli: Ji, Main Pregnant Hun,
Pati Khush Hote Hue: Ye To Khsuhi Ki Baat Hai,
Wife Hairani Se: Achha, Par Yahi Bat Mene College Time Mein Dad Ko Batayi Thi To Mujhe Bahut Mar Padi Thi.
Teacher to student: Jo doosre ko apni baat na samjha sake woh gadha hota hai.
Student: Sir, kya Matlab main samjha nahi.
Ek Nojwaan Ladka Apne Dil Ka Dard Dosto Ko Bata Raha Tha
Ladka: Dad Ne Kaha College Chhod De Maine Chod Diya.
Dad Ne Kaha Girlfriend Chhod De Maine Chhod Di.
Dad Ne Kaha Sharaab Chhod De.
Dost: Aur Fir?
Ladka: Aur Kya, Uske Baad Dad Se Dobara Baat Hi Nahi Hui.
Cheers Bhailogo.
Teacher: Oxygen is must for Breathing.
It was discovered in 1773.
Santa: Thank God I was born after that.
Pehla Paida hota to mar hi jata.
A girl comes late to class,
Teacher: Why r u late?
Girl: 1 boy was following me.
Teacher: So what?
Girl: D boy was walking very slowly.
During engineering viva.
Teacher: What is sensitivity?
Boy: Kuch thanda ya garam khane se daanto me tez jhanjhanahat ho to use sensitivity kehte hai.
Engineering student ka dard.
Wo ye bol kar hume chhod gayi dosto.
Tumhare to EXAMS hi khatam nahii hote,
Tum pyar Kya Ghanta karoge.
The Best Oopss Moment of COLLEGE Life.
When The Teacher is Looking for someone to Answer the Question,
And You Accidentally make an Eye Contact,
Isn’t it.
Teacher: Ganga, yamuna, Kaveri, Krishna, Bharat ki
Nadiyo ke Naam Hai to Pakistan ki Nadiyo ke Naam Batao??
Pappu: Rukhsana, Farzana, Rizwana, Sultana, Shabana
LECTURE ME MASTI THI ,
HAMARI BHI KUCH HASTI THI,
TEACHER KA SAHARA THA DIL YE AAWARA THA,
KAHAN AA GAYE IS DEGREE KI AAFAT MEIN YAAR WO SCHOOL HI KITNA PAYARA THA.
3 best jokes of college life:
1.Don’t disturb me, I want to study.
2.No class, lets go to library
And the biggest one.
3.Sir, I have a doubt.
Ishq ke school me naya mahoul taiyar ho gaya,
Pappu ki GF se puri class ko pyar ho gaya,
Bas tabhi se pappu udas ho gaya,
Puri class fail or Pappu pas ho gaya.
K.G. Boy: Mam may I go to toilet?
Mam: No, A to Z sunao fir jana.
Boy: ABCDEFGHIJKLMN_ _QRS_UVWX_Z.
Mam: P,O,T,Y kaha hai.
Boy: Meri chaddi mein.
Rocking Student Life Cheatng
In Exam:
Boy 1: ye Kya Likha Hai..??
Boy 2: saale Jo Word Samajh Aa
Raha Hai Wo Likh, Jo Nahi Aa
Raha Uska Jisa Hai Vaisa Hi
Design Bana De.
Lines by College boy.
Love is when i walk to other side of classroom,
To sharp my pencil, Just to See her.
N then realize that,
Im holding a pen.
Universal Truth: Sun rises in the East.
Fact: Sun neither rises nor sets, only earth rotates.
Moral: Education kills our common sense.