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Santa: Jab main mar jaon to samne wali family ko zaroor bulana.
Banta: Kyun?
Santa: Yaar unke ghar ki ladies murde se lipat lipat kar roti hain.
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एक बार संता ने अपने बेटे की शादी की.
बहू विदाई के बाद घर आ गई तब संता की पत्नी (सास) ने कहा: बेटी आज से मुझे मां और अपने ससुर को पापा कहना.
शाम को संता का बेटा (पति) के आने पर पत्नी बोली: मां भैया आ गए.
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Santa Ko Beta Hua.
Use Jyotish Ke Pass Le Gaye.
Jyotish: Ye Jiska Naam Pehle Bolega Wo mar Jyega.
Baccha Bola PAPA Aur Dusre Din Padosi Mar Gya.
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संता: यार, मुझे एक कील और हथौड़ा चाहिए अपने कम्पयूटर के लिए.
बंता : कम्पयूटर में इसकी क्या जरुरत.
संता : मुझे कम्पयूटर में विंडो लगानी है.
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Santa sing ka 20 saal bad bacha hua.
Wo udas ho gaya.
Banta: Yaar udas kion ho?
Santa: 20 sal baad bacha huwa wo bhi itna sa.
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Santa ko mughalo ne pakad liya,
Aur use akbar ke pass le gae.
Akbar: Isko bandi bana diya jaee.
Santa: nahi nahi jahan panah.
Reham Mujhe banda hi rehne do.
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Santa: Ek Kunwari Ladki Niche Khadi Hai Ko English me Kis Tarah kahoge?
Banta: Boss, Malum Nahi.
Santa: Are Bewakoof Itna bhi Nahi Jantey Miss Under Standing (Misunderstanding).
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संता: पता है आदमी अपने घर में सिर्फ दो ही कारणों से खुश होता है।
बंता: कौन सा कारण?
संता: जब बीवी नई हो या बीवी नहीं हो।
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Santa apne dost Banta se apni biwi kee shikaayat kar rahaa tha: Kal raat meri Wife neend mein jor jor se haath paanv patak rahi thee,
Aur badbadaa rahee thee NO Rahul NO, NO Plssss NO.
Banta. Toh isme gussa hone waali konsi baat hai, After all she said NO.
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SANTA: Maine Pichle 20 Saalo Me 1 Baat Note Ki Hai.
Banta: Wo Kya?
Santa: Saala Jab Bhi Faatak Band Hote Hai,
Tab Train Jaroor Aati Hai.
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Santa Ek Ladki Ka Rape Kar Raha Tha,
Ladki Zor Zor Se Chilla Rahi Thi.
Santa Usko Bola: Chillao, Chillao Or Chillao, Yahan Se Tumhari Awaz Bahar Nahi Jaa Sakti.
Ladki Hairani Se Boli: Mujhe Tumhari Baat Par Yakeen Nahi Hai.
Santa Muskurate Hue Bola: To Fir Theek Hai, Mein Yahan Se Chillata Hun, Tum Bahar Jaake Suno, Aawaz Aati Hai Ya Nahi.
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Santa: Yaar Banta, Tere Ghar Mein Latrin Bani Hai Kya.
Banta: Haan Bani Hai, Kyu?
Santa: Nahi Yaar Mere Ghar To Daal Chawal Bani Hai.
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Santa Subha Teyaar Hokar Office Jane Ke Liye Ghar Se Bahar Nikla Hi Tha Ki Patni Ne Shikayat Ke Lahze Mein Bola.
Preeto: Aap Jab Bhi Ghar Se Bahar Jaate Ho To Hamesha Darr Laga Rahta Hai.
Santa Muskurate Hue: Chinta Mat Kar Jaan, Main Jaldi Aa Jaunga.
Preeto: Isi Bat Ka To Darr Rahta Hai Ke Kahin Aap Jaldi Na Aa Jaoo.
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Santa Ek Din Banta Ko Bata Raha Tha,
Santa: Yaar Kal Raat Maine Teen Ghante CD Player Par Ek English Movie Dekhi,
Na Koi Scene Dikha Na Hi Koi Awaaz Aayi.
Banta Hairani Se: Picture Ka Naam Kya Tha?
Santa: No Disc Inserted.
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भिखारी कुछ खाने को दे दे बेटा मैं बहुत लाचार हूँ
संता: देखने में तो हट्टे कट्टे हो फिर लाचार किससे हो
भिखारी: अपनी आदत से
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Santa: Hipnotis kya hota hai?
Banta: Kisiko apne control mai kar ke apne marji ka kaam karwana.
Santa: Chal jhute use to shaadi kehte hai.
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Intelligent Pappu,
12th Pass krne ke baad.
Santa To Son: Ab tum kya krna chahte ho?
Pappu: BBA.
Santa: Very good par ye BBA hota kya hai?
Pappu: Bandi ki Baho me Aram.
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Ek chor Santa jee k mobile ko lekar bhag raha tha.
Santa hasne laga.
Banta : Wo tumhare mobile ko lekar bhag raha hai aur tum hans rahe ho.
Santa : Bhagne do, charger to mere paas hai.
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Girl: Mehnga Perfume Laga K Lift Me Ayi,
Or Santa Ko Akad K Boli,
Cobra Perfume, Rs6000.
Achanak Lift Ruk Gayi Or Khuch Smell Aayi.
Ladki Ne Apna Naak Pakda Or Santa Ko Dekhne Lagi,
Santa With Smile: Muli 14 Rupey Kilo.
Ladki Behosh.
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Santa Sochte Hue Banta Se Bolta Hai: Yaar Ye Ladkiyan Kitni Chalak Hoti Hain.
Banta Puchta Hai: Kyun?
Santa: Yaar Ladkiyan Apna 18 Rupye Litre Wala Doodh Dikha Kar, Humara 180 Rupye Litre Wala Ghee Nikal Leti Hai.
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Santa Ne Ek Bar Airtel Ka Tower Dekha Aur Uspar Lagi Ek Red Light Blink Karti Dekhi.
Dekh Kar Kuch Der Sochha Aur Muskura Ke Bola.
Santa: Yaar Apna India Badi Jaldi Development Kar Raha Hai, Aeroplanes Ke Liye Bhi Traffic Signals Laga Diye.
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संता ने बहुत कठोर तपस्या की.
प्रसन्न होकर भगवान प्रकट हो गए: मांगो वत्स क्या वर चाहिये?
संता चौक गया बोला: प्रभु सिस्टम से चलिये पहले तपस्या भंग करने के लिए
अप्सराएं आती है. उनका क्या हुआ?
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Teacher To Santa: Isko Hindi mei,
Translate karo,
She is kidding.
Santa hasne laga or,
Table par hi gir gaya or bola,
Itna aasan sawal,
WOH BACHE DE RAHI HAI.
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Battery Mein Kuch Kharabi Aane Ki Wajah Se Santa Usko Mechanic Ke Paas Le Gaya.
Santa: Bhai Iski Kharab Ho Gayi Hai Change Kar De.
Mechanic: Sir, Exide Ki Laga Doo?
Santa Gusse Se: To Sale Dusri Side Ki Kya Tera Baap Lagayega.
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Santa singh to Banta Singh: Jaldi Kar Khidki se Kood ja, Police hamare peechey Padi hui hai.
Banta looks from the window and says: Par ye to 13th Floor hai.
Yaha se kaise Koodu?
Santa: Are tu is time Shagun Apshagun mat soch, Bas Kood Ja.
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Santa Ne Ek Makkhi Pakdi Or Uske Pankh Todkar Bola.
Santa: Udd Jaa Furrrrrrrr.
Makkhi Nahi Udi.
Fir Bola.
Santa: Ja Udd Ja Aur Baag Ja.
Makkhi Fir Nahi Udi.
Santa Sochte Hue: Hmmm, Isse Prove Hua Ki, Agar Makhi Ke Pankh Tod Do To Wo Behri Ho Jati Hai.
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Santa: Yaar, Jab Mene Tujhe Khatt Likha Tha Ki Meri Shaadi Par Jaroor Aana, Tum Aaye Kyun Nahi?
Banta: Ohh Yaar, Par Mujhe Koi Khatt Mila Hi Nahi.
Santa: Mene Likha To Tha Ki Khat Mile Ya Na Mile Tum Zaroor Aana.
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Ek bar santa tree se ulta latak raha tha BANTA: Are santa tu tree se ulta kyun latak raha he.
SANTA: Yar mere sir dard ki goli khai he ab dar lag raha he ki vo pet me na chali jaye to me ped se ulta latk gya.
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Santa mandir m bhagwan se,
Puchta hai,hey prabhu,
Tune bachpan diya use cheen liya,
Aesh arram diya use cheen liya,
Paisa diya wo bi barbad ho gaya,
Aur ye BIWI di use dekar hi bhul gaya.
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Santa ko mughalo ne pakad liya,
Aur use akbar ke pass le gae.
Akbar: Isko bandi bana diya jaee.
Santa: Nahi nahi jahan panah,
Reham Mujhe banda hi rehne do.
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Santa: Main Ek Ungali Se 8 Logo Ko Upar Pahuncha Sakta Hun.
Banta Hairani Se: Achhhaa, Wo Kaise?
Santa Muskurate Hue: Arrey Yaar, Main Lift Man Hun Na.
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Santa Went On The Date With His Girlfriend,
After 2 Hour They Started To Leave,
His Girlfriend Told Him To Bring The Protection Next Time,
After One Week Santa Go On A Date Again And Santa Brought,
3 Brothers And 5 Cousins,
With Baseball Bats And Hockey Sticks.
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Santa Ne Bijli Office Phone Kara Aur Jaldi Se Bola.
Jaldi Se Model Town Ki Light Kaat Do.
Bijli Wala Hairani Se: Kyu Sir?
Santa: Wo Yaar Mere Dimag Mein Ek Nayi Mast Wali Gaali Aayi Hai, Wo Tumko Deni Hai.
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Ek Bar Santa Galti Se Ladies Toilet Mein Guss Gaya.
Vaha Bethi Ladies Ek Dum Se Gabra Ke Khadi Ho Gayi.
Santa Ne Unhe Dekha Aur Muskurate Hue Kaha.
Santa: Arey Betho Betho, Ijjat Dil Mein Ho Bas Yahi Kafi Hai.
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Santa texts his Girl friend,
Love I can't live without you, Will you marry me?
Here is the KILLING Reply,
Who’s dying now,
I lost all my contacts, kindly msg me your name.
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Santa Ne Beti K Room Me Cigratte Dekha,
Oh God, She Smokes,
Wisky Dekhi,
Oh God, She Drinks,
Fr Ldke Ko Dekha,
Thnx God,
Ye Sb Iska ha.
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After an accident,
A v.angry driver: I showed u d headlights,
& told u 2 go by side.
Santa: I also started d wipers,
& said No No No.
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SANTA went to court,
JUDGE: Order Order.
SANTA: 1 Pizza, 2 Dosa, 3 Idli & 1 Cold drink.
JUDGE: Shut Up.
SANTA: No,No 7Up.
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Santa: Yaar, where does the Sun go at night?
Banta: It does not go anywhere.
It remains there but due to darkness we cannot see it.
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Teacher: Why are you late?
Santa: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Santa: The one that says,
School Ahead, Go Slow.
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Santa In Mumbai Police,
Santa: Sir,suspect ki jeb se dangerous weapon mila, kisi ko thokne ja raha tha.
SP: Ye kaise keh skte ho.
Santa: Condom mila hai.
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Santa Ko Health Se Related Kuch Problem Thi To Vo Ek Doctor Ke Pass Gaya.
Checkup Karne Ke Baad Doctor Santa Ko Bola.
Doctor: Aapka Ek Gurda Fail Ho Gaya Hai.
Santa Rote Hue Bola: Dr Saab, Kitne Numbero Se?
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Santa went to school for getting the report card of his son.
Santa: Madam report kab dengi aap.
Teacher: Period khatam hone tak to intezzar karo.
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Santa: Veg aur non veg film kya hoti hai.
Banta: Film dekhte waqt agar ankh me pani aaye to veg,
Underwear me pani aaye to non veg.
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Santa In Kaun Banega Crorepati.
Santa Ji, yeh raha aapke liye Pehla question,
Q: Sote Waqt apki Wife kaisi dikhti hai.?
A: Hot
B: Sexy
C: Cute
D: Sad
Santa: I want to use the lifeline, I Wanna Phone A Friend.
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Santa Ne Apne Dost Banta Se Puchha.
Santa: Arey Vo Tera Chota Bhai Aajkal Kya Kar Raha Hai?
Banta: Kuch Din Pehle Ek Dukan Kholi Thi, Par Ab Jail Mein Hai.
Santa Hairani Se: Wo Kyun?
Banta: Yaar, Dukan Hathode Se Kholi Thi.
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4 Sardar train ke piche bhag rhe the,
2 Chad gye, train me pesengar ne kha welldone,
Sardar Khak weldone hum to chhodne aye the jana to unhe tha.
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Santa Talking On Phone.
Banta: Kis Se Baat Kar Rahe Ho?
Santa: Biwi Se. Banta: Itne Pyar Se...?
Santa: Tumhari Hai.
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Banta: Meri Biwi Mujhe Chod Ke Chali Gayi.
Santa: Tu Uska Khyal Nahi Rakhta Hoga.
Banta: Arre Yaar, Sagi Behan Ki Tarah Rakhta Tha.
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Santa ki wife Tours & Travels,
Magazine padhte huye: Is baar 2nd honeymoon ke liye
GREECE kaisa rahega?
Santa: Kyon?
TEL mein kya kharabi hai.
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