STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai
42 
Kapil: Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare, to woh kya hogi?
Sumona: Ki aap aur main 7 janam saath rahein. aur aap kya mangoge?
Kapil: Yeh mera satwa janam ho.
4
Kapil Sharma and a Girl were standing on a Bus Stop
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Lipstick
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Top and Jeans
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Oo Ji Main kha… Nice Earrings
Girl: Thanks
Kapil: Aur to aur Nice Necklace
Girl: Thank you So Much BHAIYA…
Kapil: Kamaal Hai, Itni saari acchhi cheezein, Phir bhi tu Bhootni Lag rahi hai… !!
4
Kapil (to wife): Tere baap ki Jale par namak chhidakne ki aadat gayi nahin na?
Sumona: Kyun? Ab kya hua??
Kapil: Aaj Phir se puchh raha tha… “Meri beti se shaadi karke khush to ho na?
4
Arzz kiya hai,
Mujh se break-up kar ke tu ban gayi ullu
Mujh se break-up kar ke tu ban gayi ullu
Maine toh nayi patta li tujhe kya milla ?
Babaji ka thullu??
5
50% of boys watch Comedy Nights with Kapil
just to see the girls sitting behind Navjot Singh
Sidhu.
2
Sir - Pani mai Rahene Wale 5 Jaanwar ke Naam
Btao?
Kapil - mendhak
Sir - 4 aur btao
Kapil - uski Mummy , Uske papa , uski Bahen
aur Uski Item
3
Dadi :- Bittu ! tumne apni purani naukri kyu chod di ?
Bittu:- Dadi ! company ne apni office badal di, aur mujhe bataya nahi kaha par !
1
Wife :- Mujhe kahi mehngi jagah ghumne le chalo !
Kapil :- Chalo tyaar ho jayo petro pump chalte hai !
2
Kapil to Sharukh kahan :- Kaisi hai tumhari biwi ?
Sharukh khan :- Swarg ki apsara jaisi aur tumhari biwi ?
Kapil :- Meri toh abhi zinda hai !
2
Dadi :- Teri aur bahu ki jodi toh 'Ram - Sita' ki jodi hai,
Kapil :- Kahan Dadi ! Na toh yeh dharti mein samati hai, na hi ise,
Koi Rawan le jata hai !
1
Imran Khan :- Pehle mein apni wife ko B.A. karwaunga,
Phir M.A. phir PHD karwaunga,
Phir badhiya si naukri dilwaunga..
Kapil :- Phir acchaa sa rishta dekh kar uski shaadi bhi karwa dena....!
2
Kapil : Tu itna bada ho gaya hai ,
aur abhi tak tujhe daadhi-mooch nahi aaye ?
Naukar : Main bilku apni Maa par gaya huun !
3
Palak : Arj kiya hai
Tum se nazar milate hi bhadak uthe mere dil mein
mohabbat ke shole,
Ole Ole Ole, Ole Ole Ole !
1
Kapil : Soch raha hu USA ghoom aun, free mein,
Sharukh : Free mein kaise jayega ?
Kapil : Sochne ke paise thodi lagte hai !!
2
Kapil wife : Ghar mein namak khatam ho gaya hai,
Khaane mein kya banau ?
Kapil : Thoda toothpaste daal do, usme namak hai !
1
Baarish ke mausam me kya apka jee machalta hai,
Kya paani me bhigne ka bhi apka dil karta hai,
Isme aapki galti nahi hai,
Ish mausam me har Mendhak aise hi fudakta hai....
Thoko Taliyaan.....
1
Kapil: Soch raha hun USA ghoom aaun, Free Me
Shahrukh: Free me kaise?
Kapil: ab sochne ke bhi paise lagenge??!!!
1
Exams Ke Time Raat Bhar Padhte Hai
Saare Students Bankar ULLU..
Exams Ke Time Raat Bhar Padhte Hai
Saare Students Bankar ULLU..
Phir Bhi Results Mein Milta Hai
Sirf
BABA JI KA THULLU!!
3
Aap Aaye Hai Hamare Ghar Mein..
Phool Khile Hai Gulshan Gulshan..
Aap Aaye Hai Hamare Ghar Mein..
Phool Khile Hai Gulshan Gulshan..
Mehki Hai har Kali Kali…
Mehki Hai Har Kali Kali..
Chura Ke Dil Mera Goriya Chali…
Uda Ke Nindiya Kaha Tu Chali..
2
Aapki Zulfe Jaise Noodle
Aapka Chehra Jaise Halwa…
Aapki Zulfe Jaise Noodle
Aapka Chehra Jaise Halwa…
Jalwa.. Fashion Ka Hai Yeh Jalwaaaaaaa
This joke was sung by Palak in Comedy Nights with Kapil
1
Machhli: eeuu eeu eeuu
Saanp: Uuummmmm
Machhli: Tum machli kyu nahi khate…
Saanp: Kyuki machli me kaante hote hain na…
Machli: To chappal pehan ke kha liya kar
9
Sumona: How much do you love me ?
Kapil: I love U so much, I can’t measure.
Sumona: No just tell me…
Kapil : Okay, I am like a cellphone &
you are my SIM card, i am nothing
without you…
Sumona: Wow ! that’s so romantic
Kapil (saying to himself): Thank God
she doesn’t know, this is a Chinese
phone, with FOUR SIM cards
3
Kapil (to wife): Tere baap ki Jale par namak chhidakne ki aadat gayi nahin na?
Sumona: Kyun? Ab kya hua??
Kapil: Aaj Phir se puchh raha tha… “Meri beti se shaadi karke khush to ho na?”
1
Weekend ka Wowww
Sath mein Salluuu…
Kapil ka Awwww
Sath mein Babaji ka Thullu!!
2
Kapil Sharma: Arey yaar yeh Gandhi ji har note par hanste kyon rahte hai?
Gutthi: Simple hai, wo royenge toh note geela ho jayega na …..ha ha.. Don’t Mind
1
Teacher: Paani mein rehne wale 5 jaanwar ke naam batao?
Kapil: Mendak.
Teacher: 4 aur batao…
Kapil: Mendak ki mummy, uske papa, uski Behan aur Uski Item
1
Wife: Main driver ko naukri se nikal rahi hoon, aaj marte-marte bachi hoon
Husband: Please use ek aur mauka de do!!
1
Kapil Sharma:
Arz kiya hai…
Siddhu ke peechhe baithi ladkiya
Karna Chahti hain Romance
wah wah
Siddhu ke peechhe baithi ladkiya
Karna Chahti hain Romance
But Sidhu is Only interested in
Lungi Dance, Lungi Dance, Lungi Dance…
2
Baarish mein couples:
Wow Kitna romantic weather hai…
Aur Singles:
Kya saala, har jagah paani paani, Pura keechad ho gaya!
1
Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai
1
hamaa bani to parwaane bane
Jaam bana to maikhaane bane
Kuchh to khaas baat hai bittu sharma teri family mein…
Warna, yun hi nahin shehar mein Pagalkhaane bane
1
How to make a right decision?
1) Pehle dil ki suno
2) Phir dimag ki..
3) Phir wahi karo jo Aapki biwi kahe!
1
Kapil: Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare, to woh kya hogi?
Sumona: Ki aap aur main 7 janam saath rahein.. aur aap kya mangoge?
Kapil: Yeh mera satwa janam ho!!
2
Kapil& His Girl Friend..
Kapil : Kya Khaya Aaj Dinner Mein?
GF : Tumhe Bas Yehi Baatein Karni Aati Hai..
Kapil : Ok..
To Yeh Batao..
How Should RBI Fight These Inflationary Trends With Minimum Intervention In The Money Markets? . . .
GF : Hmmmm.. Daal Chawal And Aalu Ki Sabji..
4
Kapil ne
JOB k 1st din Computer pe 11 ghante guzare
..
.
.
Boss khusi se: Good..
Aaj kya kiya
.??
.
.
.
.
.
Kapil: Keyboard ki ABCD aage piche lagi thi
Wo sahi kar di..
2
Kapil Sharma And A Girl Standing On The Bus Stop....
Kapil : Oo Ji Main Kya...Nice Lipstick.
Girl: Thanks.
Kapil : Oo Ji Main Kya.. Nice Top And Jeans
Girl: Thanks.
Kapil: Oo Ji Main Kya..Nice Ear-Rings
Girl: Thanks.
Kapil : Aur Toh Aur Nice Necklace..
Girl: Thank you so much BHAIYA.
Kapil : Kamaal Hai..
Itni Saari Achi Cheeze Phir Bhi Tu Bhootni Lag Rahi Hai..
1
What Kapil Sharma Says . .
Aur Koi Bhai Bandhu Jo, Koi Sawaal Puchna Chahta Ho" ? . . . .
What He Actually Means..........
"Aur Koi Bhai Bandhu Jo Apni Bezzati Karwaana Chahta Ho"... ?
3
Kapil opened a new tailor shop
Girl to Kapil : " kurti ki baazu 'net' wali banana." . . . . . .
Kapil to girl : "3G ya 2G?"
2
Kapil: kitna paisa hua..?
Auto wala: 50 Rs..
Kapil: Ye le 25 Rs
Auto Wala: Ye kya sirf 25 Rs.. ye to cheating hai. .
.
.
.
.
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Kapil: Cheating kaise..Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai.. to sharing ka paisa kon dega, Tera baap
3
Khare- bhikhari ko lottry lagi to us ne mandir banwaya..
Maagal-Tune Mandir Q banwaya?
Khare-Iske saamne ab main akele hi Bheek maangoonga..
1
Gutthi :-
Arz thoka hai..
Tum kya keemat lagaoge is bazaar mein meri wafa ki,
Tum kya keemat lagaoge is bazaar mein meri wafa ki,
Jidhar dekho bazaar mein 50% off chal raha hai!!
Kapil :-
Rishton ke bazaar mein mohabbat ki daulat na baantna,
Rishton ke bazaar mein mohabbat ki daulat na baantna,
Basanti in kutton ke samne mat nachana..!!
3
Arzz kiya hai,
Mujh se break-up kar ke tu ban gayi ullu
Mujh se break-up kar ke tu ban gayi ullu
Maine toh nayi patta li tujhe kya milla ?
Babaji ka thullu??
1
Pappu: I love you!
Girl: Phurrrr...
Pappu: I'll even die for you.
Girl: Phurrrr...
Pappu: I can't live without you.
Girl: Phurrrr...
Pappu: I even bought a diamond ring for you.
Girl: Really?
Pappu: Phurrrrr...
2
What is breakup ???
.
.
Itz A Matter of time
when a
jaan becomes Jaanwar
and
a cutiee becomes a kutti.
1
Husband : Jab mein aache clothes pehenkar bazaar jata hu to sabziwale
Sabzi mehngi dete hai. Jab gande kapde pehenkar jata hu to saste.
Wife : Tum katora lekar jaya karo na, free me hi sabzi mil jayegi!
1
Boy-rat ka kya plan h ?? .
.
Girl-nthing , just night with kapil !!
.
Boy-kya???? .
.
Girl-opps sry i mean comedy night with kapil ..
1
A sardar went to Pizza Hut.
There he ordered a Pizza.
The Waiter asked him:
Sir shell I cut it into 4 pieces or 8 pieces.
Sardar replied:
O 4 hi le aa yaar,
8 to nahin khaye jayein gay
1
Sir - Pani mai Rahene Wale 5 Jaanwar ke Naam
Btao?
.
Kapil - mendhak
.
Sir - 4 aur btao
.
Kapil - uski Mummy , Uske papa , uski Bahen
aur Uski Item
1
Gutthi :-
Arz thoka hai..
Tum kya keemat lagaoge is bazaar mein meri wafa ki,
Tum kya keemat lagaoge is bazaar mein meri wafa ki,
Jidhar dekho bazaar mein 50% off chal raha hai!!
Kapil :-
Rishton ke bazaar mein mohabbat ki daulat na baantna,
Rishton ke bazaar mein mohabbat ki daulat na baantna,
Basanti in kutton ke samne mat nachana..!!
1