STORY
VIDEOS
NON VEG
50% of boys watch Comedy Nights with Kapil.
Just to see the girls sitting behind Navjot Singh Sidhu.
542 
Kapil: 1 ladka ladki ka pichha kr raha tha.
Sumona:Tumhe pata he, pichhe meri MAA aa rahi he.
Kapil: Hum to khandani aashiq he,
Teri MAA k pichhe dekh mera BAAP bhi aa raha he.
429
kapil: Puri Zindagi Padhai Karte Hain.
Bt Hum Se Zyada To Anpad Minister Hi Kamate Hain.
To Hum Sab Ko Kya Mila.
BABAJI KA THULLU.
41
1Din Dosti Pr 1Kitab Likhenge,
Dosto K Sath Gujri Hr Baat Likhenge,
Jab Batana Ho K Dost Kaise Hote He,
Tumhe Soch Kar Har Baat Likhenge.
498
Sidhu Paji: Phir aaj koi ban ke yahn mehman aaya hai,
Husan ke duniya se ishq ka paigam aaya hai,
Aur Gori ke pyar me,Hoke diwana dekho,
kareena ke pichu pichu imran Aaaya hai.
909
Palak: Jab kadkadati dhoop mein,
Main swimming karti hoon,
Mera rang pad jata hai kala.
kapil: Shareer ladki ka muh halwai wala.
Palak: Panghat pe naache, nache re nache madhubala.
783
Kapil: Yaar Teri Aur Teri Wife Ki Jodi Toh Ram Sita Ki jodi Hai
Gest: Kahan Yaar use Na Koi Ravan Utha Kar Le Jata Hai
Na Hi Vo Dharti Main Hi Samati Hai
667
Tum Larkiyan Itani Sundar Kyon Hoti Ho
Girl:Kyon Ki Bhagwan Ne Hamin Apne Haat se Banaya Hai
Kapil:Toh Kaya Hamin Net Se Download Kiya Gaya Hai Kaya
431
Kapil to Sharukh kahan :- Kaisi hai tumhari biwi ?
Sharukh khan :- Swarg ki apsara jaisi aur tumhari biwi ?
Kapil :- Meri toh abhi zinda hai.
701
Kapil : Tu itna bada ho gaya hai ,
Aur abhi tak tujhe daadhi-mooch nahi aaye ?
Naukar : Main bilku apni Maa par gaya huun
861
Exams Ke Time Raat Bhar Padhte Hai.
Saare Students Bankar ULLU.
Phir Bhi Results Mein Milta Hai Sirf,
BABA JI KA THULLU.
842
Kapil: Ladko, Life mein jo bhi badalna chahte ho, abhi badal lo,
Kyunki shaadi ke baad to TV Channel bhi nahin badal paoge.
987
Teacher: Paani mein rehne wale 5 jaanwar ke naam batao?
Kapil: Mendak.
Teacher: 4 aur batao.
Kapil: Mendak ki mummy, uske papa, uski Behan aur Uski Item.
51
Kapil: If I die, will you remarry?
Sumona: Of course no, darling, I will stay with my sister.
And if I die, will you remarry?
Kapil: No, I will also stay with your sister.
35
Teacher: Tum mirror ke saamne baithkar kyun padhte ho…
Kapil Junior :Madam, Iske 3 faayde hain
Padhne ke liye company mil jaati hai
Khud par nazar bhi rehti hai
Saath mein revision bhi ho jaata hai
493
Kapil: Hey.
Sumona: Hi, today i wanna tell you those 3 magical words.
Kapil: Really, tell me fast.
Sumona: Babaji ka thullu.
52
Kapil: Na jeene ki arzoo, na marne ka khauf,
Na jeene ki arzoo, na marne ka khauf,
The number you are dialing is currently switched off.
904
Palak Kapil Se,
Jo Kehte the mujhe, Dil mein tumhe lock kar diya,
Jo Kehte the mujhe, Dil mein tumhe lock kar diya.
Aaj ussi ne facebook par block kar diya.
615
Kapil: Koi Aankhon se baat kar leta hai,
Koi Aankho hi aankhon mein mulaqat kar leta hai,
Bada Mushqil hota hai jawab dena,
Jab koi English mein baat kar leta hai.
945
Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai.
499
Koi Aankhon se baat kar leta hai
Koi Aankho hi aankhon mein mulaqat kar leta hai
Bada Mushqil hota hai jawab dena,
Jab koi English mein baat kar leta hai!
207
Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai
57
Shiddu To Kapil: Shamaa bani to parwaane bane,
Jaam bana to maikhaane bane,
Kuchh to khaas baat hai bittu sharma teri family mein,
Warna, yun hi nahin shehar mein Pagalkhaane bane.
367
Kapil: Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare, to woh kya hogi?
Sumona: Ki aap aur main 7 janam saath rahein.
Sumona: Aur aap kya mangoge?
Kapil: Yeh mera satwa janam ho.
907
Kapil : Soch raha hu USA ghoom aun, free mein,
Sharukh : Free mein kaise jayega ?
Kapil : Sochne ke paise thodi lagte hai !!
742
Arz Kiya hai,
Na jeene ki arzoo, na marne ka khauf,
Na jeene ki arzoo, na marne ka khauf,
The number you are dialing is currently switched off.
643
Kapil: Pata nahin log propose kaise kar lete hain,
Mujhe to paani puri khane ke baad sukhi wali puri maangne mein bhi sharam aati hai.
873
Baarish mein couples: Wow Kitna romantic weather hai.
Aur Kapil: Kya saala, har jagah paani paani, Pura keechad ho gaya.
703
Girl: Jab dad so jayenge to me gali me sikka phenkungi
Tum awaz sunkar turant andar a jana.
Lekin Kapil sikka phekne ke 1 ghante baad aya
Girl: itni der ku laga di ?
Kapil: Wo mein sikka dhund raha tha
Girl: pagal wo to mene dhaga bandh ke phenka tha, wapas khench lia.
224
Taxiwala: Saheb Break fail ho gayi hai, Gaadi rukti nahi, kya karu?
Kapil Sharma: PEHLE TU METER BAND KAR
967
Kapil: Soch raha hun USA ghoom aaun, Free Me
Shahrukh: Free me kaise?
Kapil: ab sochne ke bhi paise lagenge?
950
Kapil (to wife): Tere baap ki Jale par namak chhidakne ki aadat gayi nahin na?
Sumona: Kyun? Ab kya hua??
Kapil: Aaj Phir se puchh raha tha… “Meri beti se shaadi karke khush to ho na?
696
Siddhu:-Gandhiji, Krishna
Aur Jesus,mein
Kya similarity hai
Kapil:-Arre, teeno ka birthday
Holiday pe aata hai
790
Arz kiya h
Mujh se break-up
kar ke tu
Bann gayi ullu
Maine nayi pattalii
Tujhe kya mila
Baba Ji Ka Thullu
232
Kapil Ko Idea Mein Call centre Ki Job Mil Gayi.
Magar Pehle Din hi bahut maar
padi aur
nikaal diya gya…
BeCause
First Caller : Mera Idea Ka Sim
Kharab
Ho Gaya Hai..!! Kya karuun ?
Kapil – To Pagal Airtel Ka Le Le…..
233
Sumona – Tumne shaadi se pehle kyu nahi bataya ke tumhari raani naam ki ek our wife bhi hai….??
Bittoo – Bataya to tha tumhe raani ki tarah rakhunga
904
Kapil: kitna paisa hua?
Auto wala: 30 Rs..
Kapil: Ye le 15 Rs
Auto Wala: Ye kya sirf 15 Rs.. ye to cheating hai
Kapil: Cheating kaise..Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai.. to sharing ka paisa kon dega, Tera baap?
586
Wife: Main driver ko naukri se nikal rahi hoon, aaj marte-marte bachi hoon
Kapil sharma: Please use ek aur mauka de do
987
Teacher: Tum mirror ke saamne baithkar kyun padhte ho…
Kapil Junior: Madam, Iske 3 faayde hain
1) Padhne ke liye company mil jaati hai
2) Khud par nazar bhi rehti hai
3) Saath mein revision bhi ho jaata hai
301
Kiran Kherr: Mera husband bazaar gaya tha aaloo khareedne, 5 din ho gaye.. Abhi tak wapas nahin aaya!
Dadi: To kuchh aur paka leti, Itna wait kyun kar rahi hai?
748
Kapil Sharma vs. Auto rickshaw driver:
Kapil: kitna paisa hua?
Auto wala: 30 Rs..
Kapil: Ye le 15 Rs
Auto Wala: Ye kya sirf 15 Rs.. ye to cheating hai
Kapil: Cheating kaise..Tu bhi to baith k aaya hai.. to sharing ka paisa kon dega, Tera baap?
518
Salman: Kapil meri shaadi kab hogi?
Kapil: Kabhi nahin, kyunki tumhari zindagi mein sirf khushiya likhi hai
315
How to make a right decision?
1) Pehle dil ki suno
2) Phir dimag ki..
3) Phir wahi karo jo Aapki biwi kahe!
402
Kapil :- Aarz kiya hai Daaru peene walo kabhi lassi bhi piya karo
Priyanka Chopra :- Wah Wah Wah Wah
Kapil :- Free mein post padhne walo kabhi like Comment bhi kiya karo.
146
Dadi :- Teri aur bahu ki jodi toh Ram - Sita ki jodi hai
Kapil :- Kahan Dadi Na toh yeh dharti mein samati hai, na hi ise
Koi Rawan le jata hai
40
Palak : Arj kiya hai
Tum se nazar milate hi bhadak uthe mere dil mein
mohabbat ke shole,
Ole Ole Ole, Ole Ole Ole
19
Kapil wife : Ghar mein namak khatam ho gaya hai
Khaane mein kya banau ?
Kapil : Thoda toothpaste daal do, usme namak hai
21
Baarish ke mausam me kya apka jee machalta hai
Kya paani me bhigne ka bhi apka dil karta hai
Isme aapki galti nahi hai,
Ish mausam me har Mendhak aise hi fudakta hai.
Thoko Taliyaan.
20
Shamaa bani to parwaane bane
Jaam bana to maikhaane bane
Kuchh to khaas baat hai bittu sharma teri family mein…
Warna, yun hi nahin shehar mein Pagalkhaane bane.
5
Kapil: Agar Bhagwan tumhari ek ichchha poori kare, to woh kya hogi?
Sumona: Ki aap aur main 7 janam saath rahein aur aap kya mangoge?
Kapil: Yeh mera satwa janam ho!!
9